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Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 5 – “Now show ’em them titties”

July 24, 2010 12 comments

10. Linkin Park – One Step Closer (2000)

As a commercial concern, the last band standing on this list. Indeed, thanks to the presence of Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park are technically the third biggest selling “rap” outfit of all time (fourth if you believe Mel B’s contributions to the Spice Girls qualifies them). The internets claim that Linkin Park finished every concert they played for the first eight years of their existence with this track and why not? It’s  nu-metal in 2:36 encapsulated: turntable grooves, allusions to breaking stuff, self-pitying lyrics, and a quiet loud quiet structure where everything is exactly the same volume.

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Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 4 – “Negative outlook? Well that’s how I’m living”

July 23, 2010 4 comments

20. Slipknot – Wait and Bleed (1999)

The only worthwhile thing that Slipknot inspired was that one Viz strip where they went back in time and stopped Queen Victoria from beating up an orphan boy by putting on an impromptu performance of “People = Shit”. Slipknot frontman Corey Pavin famously carried a dead crow in a jar with him while on tour, and would sniff the rotten roadkill before each gig. The cadaver achieved fame among Slipknot fans, but how do we know it was the same bird all along, and they didn’t pull a Blue Peter pet on us and change it without anyone knowing? Also, did anyone do the “dead bassist in a jar” gags when Paul Gray carked it or not? Just wanna know if we can do them here.

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Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Commercial interlude

Is this just a massive massive coincidence, or have we somehow influenced the creation of a club night? Regardless of circumstance, ILB highly endorses this event and/or product, and will be cracking out our black long-sleeve “Anarchy” t-shirt and our white Hole glitter short-sleeve t-shirt to pair with it accordingly.

Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 3 – “All my heroes in the methadone clinics”

July 22, 2010 5 comments

30. cKy – 96 Quite Bitter Beings (2000)

“Hey Raab, lookit Phil’s tummy…” Before we throw any zingers their way, ILB has to pay tribute to how dope the artwork was for cKy’s debut release, even with that weird late-90s Super Furry Animals font. On the other hand, if you wanted to name a single band who perfectly summed up turn of the millennium rock malaise… well, you’d go with The Used. But cKy couldn’t have been far behind, a band who rode the coattails of their lead singer’s brother, who wasn’t even really legitimately famous apart from when he and Johnny Knoxville Eiffel Towered Jessica Simpson [citation needed], to making what must be Julio Iglesias loot from TV and video soundtrack royalties. I mean, they were basically 3SL in Criminal Damage jeans. Anyway, why not “enjoy” this fucking appalling rap track that samples the song in question. It’s like a Down’s Syndromed DMX. Read more…

Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 2 – “If you don’t believe in Jesus, then Mohammed or Buddha too”

July 21, 2010 4 comments

40. Rob Zombie – Dragula (1998)

Remember when Rob Zombie directed that one sequence in Beavis and Butthead Do America and it was kinda lame but it was OK because he was just some dude from a dumb band with a stupid name doing some corny “talent expansion” and he’d be off soon? How were we to know we’d be stuck with him for at least the next 15 years and he’d have spread his ample buttcheeks over music, film and television before somehow being crowned as a faux-national treasure of rock music, as if he was the fucking Alan Bennett of groove metal or something. I always forget how 1980s gay Zombie’s music actually was as well, this track sounds like being raped by Pete Burns.

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Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 1 – “Girl it’s me and you, like Sid and Nancy”

July 19, 2010 5 comments

50. The Datsuns – Harmonic Generator (2002)

I think these guys were exactly the same band as The D4s, I kinda forget. In the final few years of his life, John Peel was pretty big on putting on really dire indie/rock hybrid music (rest assured Miss Black America will be nowhere on this list, as nobody has ever willingly listened to a track by them), but The Datsuns managed to get some irl play out of it all: a few top 40 singles and the uber-prestigious “Best Live Act” at the NME Awards in the period where they weren’t 100% sure that straight-up indie was back. The Datsuns are apparently now about to release their fifth album, which should stand as a warning to all bands to actually save their money when they’re actually selling records, or you’ll be stuck playing the toilet circuits of Canberra and Wollongong in your late 30s instead.

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ILB Presents: Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003

July 19, 2010 4 comments

We need to talk about Krissi Murison. Again. (Word to Celph Titled: “I got a thing for female journalists, I like the bitch type”). When Ms Murison made it to the top of the very very short greasy pole that is the NME, a lot of the hagiographies written for her made mention of her having a “grunge” period as a teenager. This confused me. Read more…