Archive for October, 2011

In which I Google telephone recording laws for New York City but find no crime has been committed against me

October 25, 2011 8 comments

So yeah, we here at ILB were just working on our latest, sure to shock the nation project that launches this weekend. We were 3/4 of a way down a bottle of Amarone, alternating between Xhamster and like we do for most of our lives in a never-ending spiral of self-fulfilling self-loathing. When we got a phone call. At 10pm. Read more…


Alyx Vesey likes black people a hell of a lot more than you do

October 17, 2011 4 comments

I recently came to realize that I hate the Evening Standard. Not in the standard, “oh boy, these provocative journalists are sure saying some provocative stuff in their columns that makes me want to shake my fist in the air like Blakey in annoyance.” No, hate as in “I would like everyone and everything Dan Jones loves to die in his arms before he writes yet another smug, meandering, football-started-in-1992 piece of shit sports hackery.” Read more…

Top 10 Deviantart drawings of Franck Ribery

October 16, 2011 1 comment

Admittedly, it’s weird. ILB is more popular than it has ever been, even though we’ve done maybe one post in two months. It’s thanks to the last post, the Dirty Bieber Secrets one. I did what I do in my day job and applied it to the world of internet bullshit. Just for giggles, really. And it gets 7,000 hits a day, even now, without me touching a thing. The kind of hits figures John Doran would finally get a haircut and hit a gym for, and I can get it without lifting a finger. God bless those Beliebers man.

But, that’s the thing, I’ve kinda abandoned you. I know, I know. Look, I still write. I still write fucking shitloads, it’s just that you people will never see it. My pen is, nowadays, trained on SEO’d summaries of Turkish golf courses and the like, so unless you fancy hitting the driving ranges of Izmir then I’m dead to you. But I feel guilty. People love Passantino, or “PLP” as the acronym goes. They want me back. They want me going “hey, I like this boom bap track from a New York mixtape rapper” or “I don’t like this woman writing in The Guardian, not because I’m a misogynist but for other, more complicated, reasons”. And, like, I gotta heed the streets. They want a return. So I’ll give to them like X. I’ll write the blog post you want. The blog post the internet wants. The blog post I was born to do. ILB proudly presents: top 10 Deviantart drawings of Franck Ribery. Read more…