Home > I'm just saying, I'm not saying > Mistah F.A.B. Explains Why Kreayshawn Isn’t A Racist: ILB Exclusive Interview

Mistah F.A.B. Explains Why Kreayshawn Isn’t A Racist: ILB Exclusive Interview

Investigative journalism into the world of rap isn’t just for interns at Complex who’ve mastered the dark arts of typing Earl Sweartshirt’s real name into youropenbook.org before passing it off as a world exclusive. Those of us further down the journalistic food chain, who operate with just a basic WordPress default theme, aren’t afraid to wear out the shoe leather on some Woodward and Bernstein ish, digging behind the headlines to find out some startling revelations.

For the uninitiated, Kreayshawn is a popular new rapper/low-end meme machine who is white. At first she was co-signed by some black people, but then some other black people said that liking Kreayshawn made you a racist. As a white person, I was heavily confused by this as I need to be assert the fact that I’m not a racist through the pop cultural choices I make, rather than by, you know, not being racist to people. Then Kreayshawn’s sister, V-Nasty, turns up on Youtube throwing out n-bombs like she was the second coming of Mark Wright, and I got really confused.

Then Kreayshawn’s manager, Stretch McCoy, came out and said that white people calling black people “nigger” in the Bay Area is OK, because San Francisco has never had any racism whatsoever. However, as he’s not famous nobody took a blind bit of notice of him.

Thankfully, Mistah F.A.B. did an interview about two weeks later saying pretty much exactly the same thing as McCoy word-for-word. He is (vaguely) famous so if he says V-Nasty isn’t a racist and that I can listen to Kreayshawn with a clear conscience, I’m happy to agree with him. And those of you who think it’s weird that F.A.B. and Kreayshawn share exactly the same manager and that F.A.B. is parroting talking points to exonerate her to any “urban-focused” vlog services that shoves a camera on him, all I can say is you are very cynical and twisted people.

However, ILB’s done some digging and this isn’t an isolated incident. I want to listen to Kreayshawn, because she’s clearly a woman who’s here to stay and is going to be releasing hit album after hit album for the next five decades. But we did our investigations and a few other members of her family have said some… awkward things. It’s disappointing. However, we didn’t just stop there. We’ve managed to secure an exclusive interview with Mistah F.A.B. and he’s helpfully agreed to point out why each of Kreayshawn’s relatives isn’t a racist. This is truly a great moment for our website.

Incident Number One

Kreayshawn’s grandfather, Archibald F. Kreayshawn, refers to the African-American care assistant at his retirement home as a “dashed fuzzy wuzzy.”

Mistah F.A.B. responds: First of all… lemme speak on this right here. Lemme speak on this. This is just another example of people not understanding what goes on in The Bay, how we talk, how we act in The Bay. One person The Bay has had love for through its entire history, and you can go back to Junipero Serra or Sylvester “Sly” Winkle, one person The Bay has always loved is Clive Dunn.

And I ain’t just talking about “Dads’ Army” here. We loved “Grandad”, we loved “Bootsie and Snudge”, we loved that episode of “The Avengers” where he plays a posh toy shop owner. So yeah, back in The Bay, we gotta pay tribute to Dunn, we gotta pay tribute to those bits of “Dads’ Army” where Corporal Jones would always be talking about the “fuzzy wuzzies” and, you know, I lived in The Bay all my life, I ain’t never come across an offended Zulu tribesman yet.

Damn, we love Dunn out here. I remember going to see Mac Dre on his death bed, and he loved Dunn, so I says to him, I says “Don’t panic!”. Because that was Corporal Jones’ catchphrase, right? “Don’t panic!” Anyway, that didn’t stop him dying from 25 bullet wounds to his torso, but I like to think it eased his passing into the next realm.

 

Incident Number Two

YouTube video showing Kreayshawn’s youngest sister, Soulteen, freestyling to a beat based around a sample from “A Nation Once Again.” Lyrics contain repeated references to killing “proddy dogs.”

Mistah F.A.B. responds: I think one of the great things about white people, other than the fact that there are no racists in San Francisco, is that they’re always creating things. I mean, Terry Pratchett, he’s white. Hieronymus Bosch, that’s another one. Other white people as well. But yeah, Kreayshawn’s family are mad artistic, and her sister has this fantastic web cartoon called Proddy the Dog. He’s just a cute little scamp, gets into troubles, sometimes he’ll be looking for a bone and there’s no bones about so he’ll pester his owner to get a bone… lot of people calling it a Fred Bassett for the Bebo generation. So to say that’s racist? Ignorant. You think that’s racist, you need to check yourself. And the lines in that song about her celebrating the assassination of Lord Mountbatten once a year? Taken out of context.

 

Incident Number Three

Kreayshawn’s snooty auntie, Millicent Kreayshawn-Smythe, puts out an invite for her summer barbeque, promising “a whole milk-fed lamb” and “an N64 GoldenEye competition running all day”. However, at the bottom of the invite is a piece of small print reading “NO REDLEGS.”

Mistah F.A.B. responds: Well… it’s one of those really. Who is actually going to get offended if you racially abuse white people from the Caribbean? Half of Gil Scott-Heron? He’s dead. Chris Birchall? He looks like he’s got pretty broad shoulders. Is Yellowman white? I can never tell. He’s not? Then yeah, this is fine.

 

Incident Number Four

Kreayshawn’s six-year-old son, Archibald F. Kreayshawn III, writes a particularly scathing review of the “Golden Dragon” Chinese restaurant on Yelp, ending his missive with “You will never eat poorer dim sum cooked by a fucking bunch of Dim Sums”

Mistah F.A.B. Responds: Man, I loved that bit in “Romeo Must Die. “Hey, Dim Sum, you suck at martial arts and you shouldn’t be dating this black girl because she’s going to die in an airplane crash very soon.” Loved that move. But yeah it’s not racist. Delroy Lindo’s in that movie, and do you think a regular contributor to Spike Lee films would be OK with dialogue that just seems like an excuse to racially abuse an immigrant community for no real reason? Exactly.

 

Incident Number Five

Kreayshawn’s mother, the bassist for completely forgotten 1990s surf punk act The Trashwomen, updates her LinkedIn profile to offer her services as a legal aid to anyone “battling oppression from ZOGs or other assorted Christ Killers”

Mistah F.A.B. Responds: This isn’t accurate at all. Was Christ Palestinian? No. Was Christ in the World Trade Center when Mossad brought it down? No. So how on Earth can Jews be Christ Killers?”

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  1. CrissiDee
    August 3, 2011 at 2:37 am

    To say that there is abusolutely no racism in the “Bay” is the most ridiculous statement you can make. You don’t know the true thoughts that anyone has about race. I have white neighbors (I’m black by the way) that talk to me all the time and are nice to me whenever they see me in my yard, but yet when I see them at a store or any other public place they see me and do not speak to me. I never mistreat for this, but there is obviously an issue. One has even told me he “kind of struggles with the racism that he felt toward blacks” saying that not all black people are bad. Dispite the statement, we still talk, I respected his honesty. To say that there is no racism in that area is not a valid reason to use the “N” word weather you are black or white. I hate the word and all controversy that comes along with it. I used to say that word. But there is no feeling like having racist people call you the “N” word to insult and belittle you. When that happened to me more than once (once some one called me that in my neighborhood and threw a milkshake at me, yet they were listening to Lil Wayne) my stomach churn and was ready to fight. It did something to me on the inside everytime that someone said that to me. I had never used the word since. As long as there are racist people using it, I don’t think anyone else should be using it, racist or not!

  1. July 1, 2011 at 8:09 pm

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