In which the Irish and the Somalis fail to shake hands
I take back what I said the other day. Maybe there’s a more inherent beauty within Youtube clips of drunken town centre fights. I think World Star Hip Hop (where this video originates) and OnSmash have kinda gotten these videos twisted with their insistence on “CRAZIEST CRACKHEAD HOOD FIGHTS EVER!!!!” The true enjoyment in these videos is that they should resemble what you can see in a town centre on any given Friday night except without the minor danger that you some jobbing policemen is going to pester you to describe “what you saw, in as simple a manner as possible please”.
This is a perfect Youtube fight video.
A) We’ve got some stereotypes fighting. There’s some Irish guys there, and they’re loud and drunk and up for a fight. There’s some Somalis, and they’ve got that “Damn, I’ve seen some shit in my life” eyes and no dress sense.
B) The Burger King location gives it a beautiful “This could be Rotterdam or anywhere” feel. Part of me thinks I’m sure I’ve thrown up outside this Burger King at some point (something in the back of my head says it’s around West London somewhere but I can’t be sure?)
C) Personally, when I was living in Northampton I liked drinking in the Fiddler Maguires as it was located at the exact point on the Wellingborough Road where Polish people got drunk enough to belt seven shades of shit out of each other e’ry Friday night, and you could look on from a window seat with a pint of Scrumpy Jack and a bag of sizzling king prawn McCoys. Dommy P fact fans: this is exactly the same bar I made out with some chick who claimed to have fucked Johnny Greenwood.
D) The fat Irish guy is wearing a fucking Joe Cole jersey. If I’d have been stupid enough to cough up £60 on that in August last year then you’re damn right I’d be looking for a fight.
E) Fat Irish guy gets in one lucky sucker punch and spends the rest of his time someone failing to kick an incapacitated man who is lying on the floor directly in front of him. His comedy fucking Rocky stance right at the end suggests that maybe he’s spent a lot of time staring at lights after fights
F) The Somali dude who gets a few good shots in elsewhere is wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. And not one of those distressed, Top Shop-circa-2006 faded Disney t-shirts, an actual Mickey Mouse t-shirt. It’s always struck me as unfortunate that so many of the clothes given to asylum seekers are the kind of shit that charity shops literally cannot sell. I remember seeing an Afghani family once and the father was wearing a t-shirt with the visage of the late WWE superstar Test on it.
G) Pikey smaller Irish dude can’t wait to get back to his Burger King. This is after having been knee-dropped to the head repeatedly for two minutes. That’s a man who knows the value of a good Angus.
I mean, obviously, this is just vicarious living through the inhumanity of others, but then again that’s what music is so, hey, it’s kinda relevant to this blog.