Home > You want beef better bring your best > David Quantick has opinions4u about how his friends are a lot more important than murdered Yorkshire-area prostitutes

David Quantick has opinions4u about how his friends are a lot more important than murdered Yorkshire-area prostitutes

Anyone who knows the “man” behind the “personality” of IchLugeBullets will be aware that I’m a big fan of the art of deadpooling, picking terminally ill celebrities and wagering notes on whether or not they’ll be signing in with St Peter within that calendar year. It’s a good, old-fashioned harmless bit of entertainment and it also means that I have Google Documents full of details of the degrading health of the dude that played Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances and know that both Yitzhak Shahmir and Bob Holness are currently in care homes. But who would have thought such an innocent hobby could bring me into dispute with nostalgia clipshow mainstay David Quantick?

Allow me recap. On a forum for deadpoolers I use, the webmaster of DerbyDeadPool noted he’d received an email from a “David Quantick”, complaining that it was “offensive to Steven Well’s family, widow and friends” that the site mentioned he carked it in 2009. Firstly, you’d assume that if Quantick was that close to Steven Wells, he’d spell his name correctly. Secondly… Steven Wells did die of cancer in 2009. This is a basic fact. The same page mentions that the old dude that hangs himself in The Shawshank Redemption died in 2009 as well… is this “offensive”? It just seemed like it was someone who wanted to make trouble for no reason.

So, of course, an individual who doesn’t like needless trouble is IchLugeBullets, so we decided to send a friendly “tweet” to D-Quan. This is what we got back in return over a period of 15 minutes:

@ichlugebullets You could go fuck yourself unless you can explain how my friend’s death is full of “humour.”
16 minutes ago via web in reply to ichlugebullets

Wanker of the day. RT @ichlugebullets Can @quantick confirm that he’s a humourless prick who hassles deadpool runners? http://bit.ly/bFld9o
15 minutes ago via web

@ichlugebullets “hassle”. Yeah, I bet Steven’s family and friends fucking weep for the harrassment of internet dicks.
12 minutes ago via web in reply to ichlugebullets

@ichlugebullets I think there was a point to that. Also we weren’t mocking the victims. You really are a dick.
11 minutes ago via web in reply to ichlugebullets
@ichlugebullets Let me explain. My dead friend’s name is being used to entertain scum. I hope it doesn’t happen to your or your loved ones.
8 minutes ago via web in reply to ichlugebullets
Real people are subjects of deadpools. When they’re my friends it’s unfunny. Perhaps students could shoot themselves instead. The end.
5 minutes ago via web

This is where I start facepalming with such vigour and regularity that it begins to look like circuit training. While most people will be familiar with his appearances on “I Love The 80s (Because My Mate Was Still Alive In That Decade)”, he was also a staff writer on Brass Eye. Now, if we can turn our browsers to “Sutcliffe: The Musical”… is this somehow “better” than light-hearted mockery of celebrity death? I know Quantick’s point here: Helen Rytka never threw out any hilarious zingers about Shed Seven, so her death is “less” of a tragedy than Swells and thus “acceptable” to mock. Watch him trying to coat it in some sort of “won’t somebody please think of the children” routine is just… idk. I mean, Caitlin Moran being on Twitter is bad enough, but Quantick’s feed reads like someone who really fancies themselves as a 12-3 local radio shift DJ, all low-end banter and “humorous questions to the fanbase”, on some “Steve Wright, we commin’ for you, nigga” routine.

Interestingly, here’s an article from Quantocks arguing that there should be no taboos in comedy. He clearly failed to add “unless they personally affect me, in which case I’mma grab my pitchfork and lead my stunningly ineffectual army of keyboard warriors into battle against a Northamptonian B2B journalist who has resigned himself to making Christopher Hitchens his 2k11 dead pool captain”. I was thinking about adding every living member of Quantick’s family to my team next year as well, based around the theory that “he looks like the kinda bro that could straight-up pull a Benoit”, but then someone pointed out to me his missus is about 40 years younger than him. Is David Quantick Robin Ince’s dad, btw?

I leave you, as really I always should, with a gif, specifically created for Dave:

  1. onimo
    August 6, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    “Now, if we can turn our browsers to “Sutcliffe: The Musical”… is this somehow “better” than light-hearted mockery of celebrity death? I know Quantick’s point here: Helen Rytka never threw out any hilarious zingers about Shed Seven”

    and I’m sure the parents of murdered and abused children everywhere lapped up his writing on ‘Paedogeddon’ – no worries about taboos there…


  2. David Quantick
    August 7, 2010 at 1:10 am

    Hi anonymous scum. Let me reiterate – I don’t find remarks about my friends funny. Your arguments are weak and your humour is weaker.

    Enjoy your smug cowardice, you turd,

    David Quantick (note real name and email)

  3. August 7, 2010 at 9:24 am

    you got more beef than the butchers ich

    keep it up bro

    • Dom Passantino
      August 7, 2010 at 9:27 am

      We on that 85-era Dewhurst’s shit at ILB.

  4. Jonathan Gore
    August 7, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    I never met Steven Wells. Who knows? Maybe that means my view on the matter is “valid” in your strange and lonely world. However, I thought he was a very funny and principled journalist. But even if he hadn’t been, I think you should grow up a bit, frankly, and consider that what’s a game to prats like you is less than hilarious to people who’ve had their friends die of cancer.

    Plus the reference to Brass Eye was a cheap shot, and the sort of point-missing exercise that poor journalists revel in. That was about media ethics and values, not about victims of crime. Hope this helps.

  5. August 7, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Point is, whatever you think of deadpooling (a bit childish IMO, but meh, whatever, life goes on) Quantick’s reaction here has been amazingly hypocritical.

    I read – and enjoyed – Swells’ work for years, but one can’t help but wonder how many times he wished death and mutilation on the likes of Belle And Sebastian/Morrissey/other generic indie wankers. Three times an issue of the NME, maybe? Of course, this also didn’t affect Dave on a personal level, so that’s fine too.

    Of course, Quantick will no doubt pocket a cheeky £75 for a Comment Is Free piece on all this, wherein he’ll be supported by an army of wannabe Radio 4 writers, and middle-aged Word readers who try to impress their daughters’ friends by listening to Friendly fucking Fires.

  6. Jonathan Gore
    August 7, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    There is a difference, blah. None of the members of those groups was dying in an agonising way.

  7. Toadfish "Toadie" Rebecchi
    August 9, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Quantick sonned in an internet beef with a chubby chubby chaser??

  8. August 11, 2010 at 12:31 am

    Ever noticed how his mouth looks like a Thai hookers collapsed arse-hole?

    Makes me wanna lick it.

  1. August 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

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