Home > Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003 > Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 2 – “If you don’t believe in Jesus, then Mohammed or Buddha too”

Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 2 – “If you don’t believe in Jesus, then Mohammed or Buddha too”

40. Rob Zombie – Dragula (1998)

Remember when Rob Zombie directed that one sequence in Beavis and Butthead Do America and it was kinda lame but it was OK because he was just some dude from a dumb band with a stupid name doing some corny “talent expansion” and he’d be off soon? How were we to know we’d be stuck with him for at least the next 15 years and he’d have spread his ample buttcheeks over music, film and television before somehow being crowned as a faux-national treasure of rock music, as if he was the fucking Alan Bennett of groove metal or something. I always forget how 1980s gay Zombie’s music actually was as well, this track sounds like being raped by Pete Burns.

39. Glassjaw – Pretty Lush (2000)

Not gonna front: I grudgingly admire Daryl Palumbo’s swagger. Thanks to Crohn’s, dude has a colon the size and shape of Matthew Perpetua’s dick, and yet he still scrubs up well in a kind of GQ Magazine profile “REAL MAN STYLE ICON” way, and I sometimes wish I could get away with rocking hi-tops with a Moss Bros suit as well. This track was, of course, Palumbo’s tribute to how overpriced bath bombs and the toxic smell of basil-scented massage oils helped him turn away from alcohol.

38. OPM – Heaven Is A Halfpipe (2001)

OPM had a lead singer who possessed possibly the finest prison pussy rock had seen since the “glory” days of Cake three years previously, and a follow-up single about “Captain Jack” rum that was about a thirtieth as good as Billy Joel’s effort. OPM (“Opening Peoples’ Minds”, if you must know) were possibly the last ever American band to be a big deal in the UK without grazing the charts in their homeland, as all those internet and web 2.0 deals mean that doesn’t happy much anymore. “Heaven Is A Halfpipe” is, fittingly, better than any Fun Lovin’ Criminals song ever.

37. Lostprophets – Shinobi Vs Dragon Ninja (2001)

There was a right way to, circa 2001, realise that nu-metal was over and you needed a new steez, and a wrogn way. The Ordinary Boys did it the wrong way, and left everyone sitting around wondering why a guy who was meant to be a mod had tribal tattoos. Lostprophets, who in order to underline their sports metal credentials it’s worth noting that they were originally called Da Lozt Prophetz, managed it the right way, pairing metrosexual post-hardcore with a member called Jamie Oliver which at least meant looking at their press shots brought a smile to your face. Even so, their debut album, between the two 8-bit arcade games referenced here and a song entitled “Cobra Kai”, must have resembled the unsubbed copy for Front Magazine. Do you remember the 80s Stew?

36. No Doubt – Just A Girl (1995)

“Tragic Kingdom”, the album, was released in 1995. How on earth was it still getting traction in 1999? Was it all some reaction to how No Doubt were turning into a reggae band in front of our eyes at the time, and we were all nostalgic for those halcyon days of ska-pop? Also, one thing that has become ever-apparent over the course of putting this list together is: in 1999, what percentage of mixed-race bands in America made third-wave skapop? Like 100%?

35. POD – Alive (2001)

This was POD before they went on to provide zingy fashion advice on #proudofthebbc hashtag filler “Snog, Marry, Avoid” with Jenny Frost. POD were what Christians had to make do with in rock before Family Force 5 came in and sorted everything out. However, TVU has named this the second best Christian music video of all time, ahead of the previously celebrated on ILB “There’s Gotta Be More To Life” by Stacie Orrico. Know your history.

34. Foo Fighters – Learn to Fly (1999)

Oh look he’s dressed up as a woman. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I don’t think I hold anyone in music in as much contempt as I do Dave Grohl, and I’m not sure why. I mean, I fuck with “Monkey Wrench” and that one that goes “THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST”, and yet I still find him loathsome for some reason. Is it his nicer-than-thou Ned Flanders of rock personae? I think it’s just that he strikes me as the kind of man who buys Ramones t-shirts for his toddler children to wear. You know, the worst kind of human being.

33. The Distillers – City of Angels (2002)

Remember when Brody Dalle was supposed to be the new Courtney Love because, well, you know, “women”? I never understood that, being as with all the greatest will in the world you’d be hard pressed to describe Tim Armstrong (he shows up in this list later on, btw) as the millennial Kurt Cobain, and despite all of La Love’s insanities, she’s not a woman who is in her thirties who still refuses to go by her real surname and instead uses the one of an actress from a shit overrated student movie she likes. The internets seem to suggest that Armstrong and Dalle started knocking boots when Dalle was 14… insert your own Chris Hansen gifs.

32. Liam Lynch – United States of Whatever (2002)

It’s nice to know that nearly four years after anyone last visited YTMND.com that “United States of Barrel Roll” is still a Google search suggestion. A spin-off from Lynch’s MTV puppet show “Sifl and Olly”, of course, which apparently ran 1997-1999 (in my mind, I could have sworn I watched it in middle school, but maybe I was thinking of something else annoying and unfunny). If you want to check out the schedule for 2001’s Sifl and Olly fan convention, do click here.  I’d say it’s hard to resent Liam Lynch, being as he did a vaguely funny novelty song and then fucked off out of public sight immediately, but he did direct movies for Sarah Silverman and Jack Black so, idk, you make your bed you lie in it.

31. Drowning Pool – Bodies (2001)

Drowning Pool have provided the theme music for seven different WWE pay-per-view events, as well being behind the intro for Smackdown for a few years. That’s a situation in which people have willingly listened to Drowning Pool. Mohamedou Ould Slahi, one of the leading figures in the so-called “Hamburg Cell” and allegedly the man who convinced Mohammed Atta to be the leading figure in the 9/11 attacks, upon being imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay, had his sleep patterns disrupted over a period of ten days by the repeated, randomised playing of this song over and over again. That’s a situation in which people have willingly wanted to not listen to Drowning Pool. And after revisiting this “classic”, I’m feeling the butcherer of American innocents a lot more than I’m feeling Vincent K.

Advertisements
  1. Cashmore
    July 21, 2010 at 9:34 am

    “A colon the size and shape of Matthew Perpetua’s dick.”

    BLAAOOWW!

  2. Simon
    July 21, 2010 at 10:03 am

    “OPM were possibly the last ever American band to be a big deal in the UK without grazing the charts in their homeland”

    We Are Scientists?

  3. MF
    July 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Chicks were still sporting Gwen Stefani bindis in shitty rock clubs until at least 1999/2000 too.

  1. July 21, 2010 at 12:17 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: