Home > Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003 > Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 1 – “Girl it’s me and you, like Sid and Nancy”

Top 50 Songs Reminiscent of A Night In A Shitty Provincial Rock Club Between 1999 and 2003: Part 1 – “Girl it’s me and you, like Sid and Nancy”

50. The Datsuns – Harmonic Generator (2002)

I think these guys were exactly the same band as The D4s, I kinda forget. In the final few years of his life, John Peel was pretty big on putting on really dire indie/rock hybrid music (rest assured Miss Black America will be nowhere on this list, as nobody has ever willingly listened to a track by them), but The Datsuns managed to get some irl play out of it all: a few top 40 singles and the uber-prestigious “Best Live Act” at the NME Awards in the period where they weren’t 100% sure that straight-up indie was back. The Datsuns are apparently now about to release their fifth album, which should stand as a warning to all bands to actually save their money when they’re actually selling records, or you’ll be stuck playing the toilet circuits of Canberra and Wollongong in your late 30s instead.

49. Fear Factory – Edgecrusher (1998)

From the “this club you’re in is so damn cool, we’re not even going to play the single” school of DJing. Of course, in this case the single was Fear Factory’s stunningly pointless cover of “Cars”, for which they actually roped in Gary Numan for vocals, leaving Burton C Menswear contributing about four words to the whole thing. If you walk past the Derngate Theatre in Northampton down towards the long-stay car park, there’s a sticker on a wall advertising this album that has been steadfastly stuck there since 1998, and isn’t scratched or weather-worn. To me, that is the most interesting thing about Fear Factory.

48. Kittie – Brackish (1999)

Step one: pair Cookie Monster vocals with jailbait

Step two: ???

Step three: Profit

In a previous life, ILB commented on how the solitary saving grace of Kittie’s entire, pig-awful, career was the variety of gratuitous sexually violent fan fiction that’s out there on the internet about them. Have you ever wondered how Avril Lavigne would cope with a ruptured anus if she was kidnapped by Kittie, sleep-deprived, and then fed nothing but dog faeces for a week? Well, do yourself some googling and fap like crazy. Then shoot yourself.

47. Crazy Town – Butterfly (1999)

RIP DJ AM, you were too beautiful for this world, even if I can’t quite remember if you were on this track or you’d already left the band by this point. There used to be some football-for-kids magazine show on BBC 2, Sunday mornings, in which one segment would have popular footballers of the day interviewed against a green screen, then “shrunk down” and beamed into the studio as if they were on some Mike Teevee shit. Anyway, I’m 90% positive that in one Q&A session a miniaturised Robbie Savage, when asked what was on his Walkman, sang a few lines of this much-loved pop classic. Why oh why oh why is this not on Youtube?

46. Puddle of Mudd – Blurry (2001)

Probably the most vilified of all the final wave nu-metal acts, partly due to their perceived manufactured nature (Wes Scantlin ditched all of the other members of PoM upon becoming Fred Durst’s protégé and replaced them with session musicians, like a slightly less hairy version of The Pipettes), and partly because dude forgot the Dee Barnes Principle: if you’re going to make horribly misogynistic garbage like “She Hates Me”, you can’t then go out and start slapping your girlfriend around. Not even MC Ren will have your back in that situation.

45. (həd) p.e. – Suck It Up (2003)

Possibly the worst named band in history (remember that it’s, somehow, short for “Higher Thought Planet Earth”, which sounds like a Common b-side circa 1997), while the idea of a satanically-possessed Michael Buffer gets this song off to a good start, it’s worth remembering that when it comes to Buffer samples, you’re always going to be lagging behind this Europop classic. Dude from (həd) p.e. always, vocally, made me think of a black Fred Schneider, which isn’t a bad thing to aim for. (həd) p.e. were most recently as the supporting act to Insane Clown Posse, which makes, sadly, a lot of sense.

44. Murderdolls – Dead In Hollywood (2002)

This kind of explosion-in-a-Mac-Cosmetics-display-showroom abortion was basically the pre-9/11 mindset equivalent of Blood On The Dance Floor, right? You gotta assume entry-level scene girls in 2010 are pretty happy that their favourite musicians now all suck dick, whereas in 2002 it was just their music that sucked dick. Anyway, horrorpunk is the worst fucking genre ever and if you like it I hope your stupid fucking tattoo of Bettie Page draped over an anchor turns septic and you die, or at least ruins your bowling shirt.

43. Orgy – Blue Monday (1998)

You’ll notice, eventually, that a lot of this list is really, really bad covers of 80s pop smashes. It might be worth asking what the specific mindset behind all of this was… you can possibly draw some sort of arguable line here between New Order and the commercial strain of late 90s industrial rock, but 90% of the time, it was just bands too ill-equipped to cope with the concept of “writing one for the radio” just deciding to use something that was already popular, like indie wrestling feds in the mid 90s all having a dude dressed up as a Power Ranger who could come and pose with the kiddies.

42. Audioslave – Cochise (2002)

Yo, my old flatmate James who got really really really stoked when this leaked to the internet and sat over Kazaa for, like, 30 minutes waiting for it to download in its entirety: a) you have really bad taste in music and b) you still owe me £60 for the final phonebills you gangly lank-haired Scouse cunt. Also, Chris Cornell’s transformation from 90s rock hasbeen to the sort of person who could get Anna Wintour to write him a personal recommendation on LinkedIn is absolutely fucking baffling to me and a further sign that popular culture was broken irrevocably over the past decade.

41. American Hi-Fi – Flavor of the Weak (2001)

American Hi-Fi frontman Stacy Jones, like bro from Alkaline Trio and thingy from Simple Plan, must go “ah, man, fuck” at least once a week thinking about how, if they’d have timed their career to take place a few years later, they could have been major players in indie chart hegemony. Instead, and this is no word of a lie, Jones is currently the touring drummer for Miley Cyrus’s live band, and thus presumably has to notify everyone in the neighbourhood of his presence when he moves in. “Flavor of the Weak” is in the great lineage of “Leave The Biker”/”Girl All The Bad Guys Want” songs about a pussy dude bemoaning the fact that his ideal woman likes men who have spines, but unlike those two songs, it’s shit.

  1. WBS
    July 20, 2010 at 12:28 am

    I remember hearing the Datsuns playing at Maida Vale for Peel. The thing with them was Peel had recently been on holiday to New Zealand, and decided to bring them and another band from there (I am pretty sure it wasn’t the D4) in for a session at Maida Vale. They were very charming, and I think they took about half an hour to change a particularly troublesome guitar string. Also, “In Love” is quite the endearing big hairy mess of a song.

    Their album was pish and they weren’t very much cop live, though.

  2. F
    July 20, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Jeff Hardy’s band name “Peroxwhy?gen” is also fairly monstrously retarded

  3. MF
    July 20, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    At the age of around 23 or 24 I once fingered a possibly underage girl in a Fear Factory t-shirt on a metal club’s booze soaked sofa .

    Best band evar!

  4. E
    September 7, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    It’s the art of losing. WHOAAAOOAAAA!

  1. July 21, 2010 at 12:17 am

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