Home > Wait what > The ILB World Cup Wallchart of Rap: Part Three

The ILB World Cup Wallchart of Rap: Part Three

We’re getting there. Slowly but surely. Which is more than can be said for (insert your own joke here)

GROUP E

Netherlands: MC Miker G and DJ Sven

Despite having the first ever global rap hit from outside the United States, MC Miker G and DJ Sven never made it to an album, halting their duo career after the failure of their second single, “Celebration Rap”, based around a Kool & The Gang interpretation. MC Miker G went on to release a solo album, entitled “I’m A B-Bone”, which featured a guest verse from Chubb Rock (Z-Share bloggers, you’re on notice to upload this asap now). DJ Sven, on the other hand, went on to become a Low Countries Caesar the Geezer, as he became the Netherlands first ever radio shock jock.

Denmark: L.O.C.

L.O.C. is short for, of course, “Living Off Ecperience”. To be real, if it hadn’t have been for the fact that Google tells me LOC is Denmark’s biggest selling rapper, I’d have no idea that this was meant to be hip-hop. Shit sounds like The Rasmus. L.O.C. has recorded (read: paid a lot of money for an emailed verse from) with both Tech N9ne and Simon Kvamm, a Danish comedian who occasionally pops into wider recognition for doing songs for the Danish national team. Weird country…

Japan: Teriyaki Boyz

Haters get made cuz he got him some Bathing Ape profits. For the uninitiated, Teriyaki Boyz are the vanity project of BAPE founder Nigo, who instead of doing something useful with his bank balance like fucking floozies and holding up everyone else waiting at the bar by ordering Jagerbombs for 30 of his friends, instead formed a “supergroup” of a bunch of previously successful Japanese rappers, and then pays top dollar for guest verse from Kanye, Busta Rhymes, Chris Brown, and some musicians who have positive attitudes towards women possibly. Kinda feeling the Beastie Boys 2K10 vibe of this track and video, tbh.

Cameroon: Manhitoo

Was going to make a Manbearpig gag, then I was going to make a Boy Hit Car gag, and instead I’ve been torn between and resultantly fell between two stools. Don’t speak French, but unless I’m misunderstanding this video it has a bit that’s all “lol at white tramps”. Is “I Go Chop Your Dollar” the only thugged out African rap track? Fuck this mushmouthed reggaeton POLITICS IS IMPORTANT bullshit. Make like K’Naan and whore yourself out to Coca Cola asap, Manhitoo, then I might give a shit.

GROUP F

Italy: Stokka & MadBuddy

Just because they’re fellow Palermitanu, doesn’t they’re going to get an easy ride from us. This really does sound like some Lowlife Records ish that Steve Lamacq would have used to plug up four minutes of his Wednesday evening show with back in 2001. It has the same “worthy” social outlook that that stuff had as well: remember that real Paisan thugs listen to trance and folk music, leaving rap to be the domain of the effeminate and unarmed in Southern Italy. Hey, just like in America these days!

Paraguay: Some faggot on the internet who might not even be Paraguayan

Jesus Christ look at this fucking tard.

New Zealand: 3 The Hard Way

Apparently New Zealand is a nation where the vocal stylings of Abs from 5ive have a much greater resonance than anywhere else on this planet. 3 The Hard Way also released an album called “Old School Pranksters” (hopefully a tribute to the days Beadle and Henry Kelly held down the fort on Game For A Laugh), and are apparently unaware of the massive wave of gangbang movies entitled “X The Hard Way” in the mid 2000s.

Slovakia: Kontrafakt

Apparently Slovak rap must be big business, if dudes like Kontrafakt can have four or five tracks on YouTube with over 500,000 hits. I have absolutely nothing to say about this track, so instead here’s the Google autotranslate for the comment left by “smoku43:

I am bi so I had those buddies .. mine when I drbu Down on me when I mess doriti UP ….. one can be is like my brother

Quite.

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