Home > Gay music critic in-reference > Andy Gill prefers The Slits to Ballboy, is a fucking idiot

Andy Gill prefers The Slits to Ballboy, is a fucking idiot

ILB switched newspapers from The Guardian to the Indie about 18 months ago, mainly in protest at the former’s dumbing down of their cryptic crossword (Dac goes hard). So we’re gonna come out and say this with the benefit of background reading: when it comes to lead music critics for British pinko broadsheets, Andy Gill is inutterably worse than fashion hack Al Petridis.

Gill’s crimes are too many to mention, but surely his finest week came in 2008 with this stunning sequence of events. On Wednesday June 11th, he writes an article entitled “Why I hate Coldplay“, taking the dangerous, in-the-firing-line opinion that Coldplay aren’t very good. Actually, he goes further than that: the entire article, TL;DR summary, is that listening to a Coldplay is the worst thing imaginable about being a music hack. OK, fair enough, maybe nobody ever asked him to review Diplo or Elliot Minor, whatever whatever.

On Friday June 13th, Andy reviews Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida And The Horse Death Rode In On” for the Independent. Two days after writing 2,000 words on how Coldplay are the worst band ever and he hopes they all contact feline AIDS. He gives it 3 out of 5. I can not imagine a more shameless piece of hackery… in history. Seriously. The dude couldn’t even give up his £150 fee for that Coldplay review so he wouldn’t look like the worst kind of churning, “gotta have a controversial opinion or else I’ll be back writing for The Quietus”, tard. My brain can’t even process it. This is the same Andy Gill who, in a 1992 review, wrote that Felt were a band for students who like to get drunk and reminisce about 70s television. It’s just a little reminiscent of Billy Corgan complaining that Pavement reminded him of the kids who bullied him at school: ie, if you were having your lunch money snatched by bros that looked like Spiral Stairs or the finnoch-looking bassist, then you deserved it and should possibly develop basic social skills.

Anyway, ILB ranks The Slits as one of the worst bands to have ever had a lengthy career, alongside Incubus. It was quite clear why they managed so: white private school kids who made up punk’s entire production base could ensure that both “black people” and “women” were covered by one solitary group in their entire scene, so they a) didn’t need to feel any guilt and b) didn’t waste any space on two whole bands that showed any evidence of diversity or the changing social landscape of Britain in the latter 20th century. But for a man to go out there and say they were better than Ballboy? idk, mayne.

It’s not just the misuse of “landfill indie” as a term that irks (Ballboy were on SL Records, a band totally famous for blanket coverage in the music press and laddish larks of its bands). It’s just… look, you old Andy. Nobody cares about Traffic, seriously. People like that Stevie Winwood didn’t die before clearing the “Call On Me” sample, but nobody born after Churchill’s death cares about him or his works otherwise.

Weirdly enough, the same damn PR dude who sends me updates about the Mighty Boosh’s career sent me The Slits’ guitarist’s Xmas song today. It’s fucking awful, so I won’t be posting it, although it has been praised by both Artrocker and Pinglewood, and I know they’re two establishment who know what’s popping these days. Instead, here’s Ballboy.

Ballboy – There Are Only Inches Between Us But There Might As Well Be Mountains And Trees

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