Home > Gay music critic in-reference > Shots fired, parts one and two

Shots fired, parts one and two

I think there’s two reasons I’ve been more embraced by the rap blogging community than the indie one. The first is, obviously, my casual homophobia, misogyny and anti-semitism passing itself off as “edgy”comedy. The second is that I like to think I can do beef properly. In outlined examples, here’s how shots have been fired across the blogosphere in the past day:

The motley crew of former Stylus hacks and ageing queens that hold fort over at The Singles Jukebox give a middling review to an Animal Collective track (remember? they did that song about Oxford commas, them). Long-term ILB favourite Matthew “Perpetua” Fluxblog isn’t impressed:

Imagine if the internet as we know it now was around in 1988, and a bunch of (mostly) out-of-touch cranks got together to viciously rip on “Teenage Riot.”
This Singles Jukebox post is kinda like that.

Yeah, imagine someone gave a middling review to a legendary, era-defining, future mainstay track like, umm, “Teenage Riot” (anyway, the fucking song is called “Teen Age Riot”, but whatever). Anyway, this led to the following lovely riposte from a Jukebox type:
Hey Perpetua, what the fuck do you think you’re doing talking outrageous shit like this here? You don’t know shit about 90% of what I’m into – you don’t even know what I’m into. You don’t know me but you should know yourself, you narrow-minded little indie fuckwit.

“Stop trying to make fetch happen”, the hack in question probably later commented. Probably the first time Perpetua has been described as “little” since he was a foetus though, so credit where it’s due.

Anyway, it’s just unseemly, indie journalists, as any examination into ILB posts will reveal, tend to deal with emotions like bitches, and thus you get people scratching at each others’ eyes like the taxi queue outside Time/Envy nightclub at 2am on a Sunday morning any time someone’s taste is questioned. Rap bloggers don’t go with that, they take their shots like a man. Look at Cashmore: he was called out on this site, responded admirably, and now he’s back in The Guardian again writing about films or something, idk, I don’t buy it any more.

Here’s a better example. A couple of weeks back, legit ILB favourite Passion of the Weiss wrote about Pill and Freddie Gibbs and all those dudes. Cocaine Blunts fired back by smacking its balls against Weiss’s windshield. It wasn’t The Von Erichs vs The Freedbirds, but it was a good feud as it stood: two great writers, two defensible arguments being put forward, a mixture of salient points and zings from both sides, and a fantastic supporting cast of trolls, weedcarriers, and comment box mainstays turning up to provide cameo roles. The kerfuffle even managed to get Tray to post a comment to a blog, so good work on that guys.

And it’s back again. Weiss got Gibbs onto the cover of LA Weekly, Noz came back by namechecking that movie with David Bowie’s unit in and threw down on Twitter like so:

  • blogger, tell us more about the time an ACTUAL GANGSTA RAPPER validated your taste. the very taste you cribbed from http://www.cocaineblunts.com about 9 hours ago from web
  • or lets talk about why a dc blogger was covering the jerkin movement before any of the so called rap critics in los angeles even noticed it. about 8 hours ago from web
  • come on blog dudes. if you want to go to war i will take you to war. about 8 hours ago from web

Why is this better than what’s above? Well… the difference between a “rap journo” and “someone who journalises about rap” is that the former at least has a little bit of… if not the (piss yourself laughing at the following term usage) “spirit of hip-hop” then at least some swagger about them (I mean that in the Gary Cooper sense, rather than the Waka Floka Doo one). They can deal with shots fired, they can throw some back themselves, and it never degenerates into the kind of bitchslap more commonly caught during the last five minutes of Footballers’ Wives. Also, y’know, nobody really cares about this shit “really”, do they? It’s all about hits. Both Passion of the Weiss and Cocaine Blunts made Wikio’s Top 40 music blogs this week. You can’t put dinner on the table by restarting the “which blogger likes black people more?” argument, but you can at least pay for dessert with it.

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  1. December 4, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Bless you, Dom. This shit gets more entertaining by the day.
    Perpetua comment had me rolling – you need to do another round-up of Fluxblog wiki edits.

  2. Cashmore
    December 4, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Didn’t I just roll over like a puppy and then recommend you to my mates?

    • Dom Passantino
      December 4, 2009 at 6:20 pm

      I said you took your shots like a man, I didn’t say a particularly masculine or respectable man.

  3. Cashmore
    December 4, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    That’s Cashmore in a nutshell, baby pa.

  4. December 4, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    “The kerfuffle even managed to get Tray to post a comment to a blog, so good work on that guys.”

    What?

  5. December 4, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Dom you are a treat. Thanks for playing!

    • Dom Passantino
      December 5, 2009 at 2:29 pm

      You know what’s next? Perpetua Downfall redub!

  6. noz
    December 4, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    I take great offense to the suggestion that any of my writing is motivated by a desire to increase traffic to my site.

    • Dom Passantino
      December 5, 2009 at 2:31 pm

      I think most bloggers would be confused by the concept that writing is supposed to bring traffic to websites, tbh.

  7. edward o
    December 5, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Oi Dom, I am NOT ageing.

    • Dom Passantino
      December 5, 2009 at 2:32 pm

      I included you in the Stylus side of the equation.

  8. MF
    December 7, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    The blog game needs a Vordul from Cannibal Ox vs. dude who looked like Kube from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose real life altercation in ‘010.

  1. December 6, 2009 at 12:15 am
  2. July 2, 2010 at 9:24 pm

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