Home > Feeling this > Irony: the late 90s indie twee group frontman edition

Irony: the late 90s indie twee group frontman edition

Former Hefner frontman Darren Hayman, on Twitter, 9:33am on November 13:

darren hayman gets boyed

12:48pm, November 14: Darren Hayman cancels all forthcoming gigs after being hospitalised in a violent assault after his gig in Nottingham. What better way than to wish one of ILB’s favourite musicians of all-time, and almost certainly our favourite musician of all-time who we don’t suspect has ever raped anyone (subs: check to see if Lee Dorsey was happily married), to get well soon than by posting MP3s of some songs he did for free download so he won’t make any money off them?


Hello Kitten (from “Boxing Hefner”)

Handclaps in indie music, like stockings in the bedroom, need to be saved for uber-special occasions or else you just ruin their impact. This is a song about jacking off to thoughts of your racist girlfriend while she’s not around. If Prince did “proper” sex better than any other musician ever, Hefner did indie sex the same duty: an awkward fiddle around with the promise of permanent bruising always around the corner. Always think of this song when Siena’s result come in on Italian sports shows as well.


The Hymn for the Cigarettes (from “The Fidelity Wars”)

I think this is supposed to be everyone’s favourite Hefner joint? It’s not mine, but it’s certainly top 10. The only smoking girl I ever went out with was a morbidly obese Brummie who spent most of her time trying to dress me up like a member of Broadcast. Good times.


The Sad Witch (from “Breaking God’s Heart”)

If there’s any one criticism that can be levelled against Hefner, and I’m not sure it’s even valid, it’s that… most Proper Indie should live in the small towns and the kids who dream of breaking away while stuck in the school library during recess. Hefner were maybe too London to understand that: if you can breakaway from the smalltown mentality you’re surrounded by just by hoping on the overground to Dalston, then you’re not really suffering that much. “The Sad Witch” is so non-London though, it’s a song where the bus service shuts down at 6pm and there’s no such thing as Starbucks, let alone Eat or the Sainsbury’s branches where they do jacket potatoes at the counter.


Don’t Go (from “We Love The City”)

Kinda think this song could have worked as a Brian Setzer Orchestra joint in the late 90s? I think that’s what worries me about Darren these days, other than the fact he may never walk again obviously: he’s gotten a little too far into that whole East London scene where dudes play ukeleles everywhere and get the party van ready for Daisy Lewis and the other one. This song veers close to Bethnal Green Working Men’s club and bitches dressed like Parisian whores from 1925 but he kinda pulls out at the last minute. It’s a delicate walking balance.


The Pines (off “Catfight”)

Another song about having sex with racists, and as a man who dated a girl from Blackburn for nearly a year, I relate. This isn’t really your common or garden British “fucking come over here”, making your own gravy and holidaying in Bognor Regis racism though, it’s your American curbstomping and chest tattoo racism. Which of these two groups are more likely to listen to Gucci Mane is, currently, an unknown quantity. “Catfight” is the Hefner b-sides/rarities collection, and as such weirdly disjointed, but it runs in reserve chronological order and this is the first track on it, which is odd, as the last Hefner album (“Dead Media”) is 100% total shit, and this is actually really really good. At least one of the Heyman solo albums is dope as well. Just not the last one.

Categories: Feeling this Tags: ,
  1. Conrad
    November 15, 2009 at 9:08 pm

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