Archive for September, 2009

A brief guide to forgotten late 90s rock acts that appeared in shitty comic strip Pandora

September 28, 2009 Leave a comment

adrian mole pandora

I may have spent most of my teenage years wearing a band t-shirt over a black longsleeve, and I may have stomped to my room on at least one occasion because my parents wouldn’t let me wear black nail varnish, but don’t get it twisted, I was never really a dyed-in-the-wool mosher. I think I only bought a copy of Kerrang! three times during my adolescence, and one of those was just so I could find out how “Nimrod” would sound (man that album drags in the middle).
Still, one place where Kerrang! had the dukes over the indie press I was reading was that it had much more notable shit unfunny cartoon strips. The NME may have had that history of pop thing that was still making jokes about Pilot in 1999, the NME had that “lol random” thing about two badly drawn DJs, but Kerrang! had two: Continuum, where nothing happened at all but it had a really accurate depiction of what fat mosher broads look like, and Pandora.
Pandora started… some time in the 80s, I don’t really care enough about this subject to research it. Back then, she was a sassy, wisecracking hair metal afficionado who had breasts that indicated her artist, Ray Zell (you can do the Roots gag here I cannae be fucked), had never seen a woman naked. The strip was flipped in the mid 90s to be about her niece, who had smaller breasts but looked a bit more like she could have at least fitted in at an Apes Pigs and Spacemen concert. Read more…


Racist fun with Benny Benassi

September 24, 2009 1 comment

Benny Benassi. You remember him, right? “Push me, and then just touch me, so I can get my, satisfaction”.  A bunch of off-duty Max Power models doing DIY in the video. Had a follow-up single that sounded like DJ Hell messing about with the speech function of his iMac. Right, you remember him. Anyway, his official website has a series of different flash videos for whenever you refresh the main page, kinda like Homestar Runner except this is basically just All Poopsmith All The Time. The videos feature a picture of Benjamin, and then it morphs into something else. Clever, I know. Anyway, here’s the before of one of the photos…

benny benassi

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Add-2 – The Menace’s Theme

September 23, 2009 Leave a comment


Good lines from “The Menace’s Theme” by Add-2: “I been spittin’ that real shit as long as Jim Jones been spittin’ bullshit”. “I’m always it, like the damn fat kid playing freeze tag”, “So dope, I make fans fiends when I make songs/ And when they hear it, niggaz play it like the race card”

Great lines from “The Menace’s Theme” by Add-2: “Got white folks playin’ my music like Guitar Hero”

Less-than-great lines from “The Menace’s Theme” by Add-2: “I be to wack rappers what Hitler was to Jews” Read more…

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Danny Dyer, presented without comment

September 21, 2009 Leave a comment

The year in bad music writing: Sam Richards on Jay-Z live in thelondonpaper

September 20, 2009 2 comments


For the benefit of those lucky enough to not live in our nation’s fine capital, allow me to inform you that Murdoch-owned freesheet thelondonpaper finally cried “No mas” this Friday, after three glorious years of leaving millions of commuters trying to work out where the fuck the joke was supposed to be in every The Omnipresent cartoon. I found a lot more to enjoy in its final ever week than I did in any of the previous 155, though, mainly because the subbing department was engaged in a fantastic tribute to that “pffff… chef?” job placement dude from that one Family Guy episode, and made it quite clear they had absolutely no interest in doing their job anymore. Captions consisted of little more than the celebrity’s name, the phrase “wtf” was used in a story’s body text, and the newspaper’s final ever page consisted of sports journalist James Gill making a joke about an “ugly” situation for Manchester City being one that involved Carlos Tevez and Joleon Lescott, Gill finding high humour in the scars left on a man’s face after he was struck by a car and dragged 100 feet down the road when he was a five year old. Plus I’m still struggling to work out how dude can clown anyone in the looks department, when his byline photo makes him look like something out of an Aphex Twin video.
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Roc Raida is dead

September 19, 2009 2 comments

ncfilms a famous dj named Roc Raida died i believe

less than 20 seconds ago from TweetDeck Read more…

Why doesn’t anybody want me to give them aides?

September 16, 2009 Leave a comment