Sit-cum

I showed this to someone and they correctly pointed out that, with the possible exception of Christian rap music, no field contains as witless as parodies as contract studio pornography. Admittedly, this guy was American and was thus not aware of Katy Brand, so he didn’t know he was technically wrong, but he was close onto something.

I don’t understand this strain of pornography. New Sensations have made a career out of it: as well as “XXX Seinfeld” you can also sit back and enjoy a pornier version of Scrubs (resplendent with hipster annoyance Joanna Angel) and The Office (really, if you call your son Rocco, he’s going to end up in porn, there’s no way around it). Whereas for those of you on the UKTV Gold tip, you can jack off to skeetier versions of Happy Days (lot of Italians in this one, for some reason), The Brady Bunch and, sweet mercies, The Munsters.

I’m no porn connoisseur, but from what I understand, the hilarious “ha ha ha” genre of parody porn titles was always there just to facilitate a choice of generic costume: you’d have “Pir-ass of the Caribbean” and dress your models up in an eye patch and a pointy hat, or whatever. You didn’t then go around slavishly trying to find a porn star who looks like Bill Nighy and incorporating every single mind-numbing explanatory emotional scene from the movie in between your bouts of hot monkey fucking.

Are there really people out there who need the blanket of sitcom in order to not feel seedy about porn? Or were enough boners popped as a teenager to Mrs Cunningham that there’s actually a marketplace for this sort of stuff? And can we please end it now before I have to put up with a production that features Godber dropping the soap in front of Grouty? Thanks.

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