Napoleon – I Try To Despise The Ugly People (But The Beautiful Ones Keep Turning Me Down)/I Love My Baby (But If Anyone Touches Her I’ll Kill Them)
As long-time readers will be aware, we here at ILB are pretty much dead inside and experience pleasure in very little these days. The occasionally lingering touch of the hand of some bitch who’s recently friendzoned us, andPhileas Fogg’s Salsa With Mexican Chilli Tortilla Chips, are pretty much all we have left. That and last.fm confusions about two bands who have the same name.
This situation mainly occurs because metal bands are too busy conditioning their hair to learn how to operate Google properly to check if someone else already has their name. So whereas in ye olden days you’d get comedy US/UK bitchfests over who was the “more famous” Embrace, nowadays the game has widened. Obviously, the fans of the funeral doom act “Esoteric” get a really easy ride, because no rap fan is gonna sit down and spend ten mintues of their evening typing a message in support of that useless sack of shit. But there’s always room for hilarity when it comes to acts like Assassin (German thrash metal and Spragga Benz-endorsed dancehall, random quote: Fuck the ugly whore hip hop! Thrash till death! Hip hop arent worty of being compared with great music like Metal”) or Tyr (Icelandic electro and Faroese viking metal, the latter’s main defender being this repulsive Slovenian cougar who can no doubt be found in the rock clubs of Maribor every Friday night wiping Amstel vomit off her mouth before sucking off yet another bassist).
All of this brings us to Napoleon. Not the dude who used to hang out with Tupac, but rather a ten-piece Swedish blue-eyed soul indie act who, I can only assume, are at least 60% homosexual. Sadly there’s no intense hissyfit on their last.fm page yet from fans of the original Napoleon, possibly because the only people in the world who remember him are me and Afeni Shakur, and in the latter’s case that’s just because he phones her up once a month asking for higher royalty payments. “Yo, son, it was me who came up with that whole sampling Bruce Hornsby thing, for real”.
Napoleon have released two of my favourite singles of the year so far: they’re available for download at the bottom of this article. Napoleon have also released one of my favourite albums of the year so far, the shittily titled “Bohemians Won The Series and the Little Guy Joined The Band”. You’d expect me to be effusive in praise over them here, but I can’t do it. I can’t do it, because quite clearly they’re gonna fluke a hit off this album and then their second one will sound like someone cloned Mika nine times and set up the world’s worst band with them. So until the second album from these guys drops, not another word. But yeah, they really do sound like the Blow Monkeys, fyi.