Home > Cultural lowpoints of 200x > Please add Kanye to the “banned from entering the UK” list, thanks

Please add Kanye to the “banned from entering the UK” list, thanks

I mean, at least Fred Phelps says slightly less fucking stupid things about the gays, and his posse come prepared with an infinitely superior sense of colour coordination than Ye’s clique do. And, presuming that none of Hoggboy attempt to blow up Warwick Avenue tube in the next three months, at least Yunis Al Astal isn’t making a side income by giving failed indie musicians a second shot at stardom that they clearly don’t warrant or deserve.

Being as you’re an actual human being, you’ll have completely forgotten who Mr Hudson and the Library were, so allow me to remind you. They were an indie band from those halcyon days of 2007 who had the wonderfully inventive gimmick of actually playing gigs IN a library. Because the perfect audience for any bunch of mealy-lipped efette no-marks is pensioners looking for Leon Uris novels in large typeface, and homeless vagrants jacking off to internet porn. Their debut album, “A Tale of Two Cities”, got crazy coverage (include a puff piece on Radio 4 from Mariella Frostrup), but yet still did Chi Chi LaRue levels of wood, failing to make the top 100. Most people had safely presumed that they could, resultantly, be filed alongside Captain and Good Shoes when it came to bands you’d never need consider again.

Kanye, though, had other ideas. Kanye always has other ideas, none of them are any good. Kanye is to music what bored businessmen, souped up on notions of their own technical mastery, are to dismantling Corby trouser presses in their hotel room before realising they can’t put it back together again: a being comrpised of a constant desire to tinkle and an innate sense of self-entitlement and authority that means they come across to the wider world as 50% Claudio Ranieri and 50% Peaches Geldof.

Fact: Kanye has never had a good idea that didn’t take place outside of his first two albums. Fact: Kanye has put on maybe 10, 15 different artists since being signed, and, of those, Rhymefest is the only one who’s worth a diccup. And even then it took him being presented with the barn door of diss tracks, Joe Budden, to really get his game up. Fact: Kanye getting indie musicians to do his hooks for him, to do tracks with Jay for him, to actually record his own tracks, comes across as some sort of high-end parody of grindie. As if someone sat down in 2006 and said “So yeah, Lethal Bizzle and Art Brut have just recorded the worst song of all time together… hey wouldn’t it be funny if some musicians who were ever going to sell any copies ever were to do this!!!!!!!!!!!”.

This song at the top there is shit. Don’t listen to it, don’t play it, don’t bother to remember its name. It’s got some autotune, it’s got some sub-Chris Martin being roped in to provide track 11 on the next Hova album aspects to it, it’s got nothing to recommend it. However, it does remind me that I want to record “Twee-Pain”, an album of C86 covers done through Autotune. If anyone would like to help me do this, holler at your boy.

  1. Maria Smedstad
    May 11, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    I sat a pub table with one of Hoggboy the other week. High rolling good times.

  2. caek
    May 12, 2009 at 1:48 am

    Pro tip: Ben “Mr” Hudson went to St Anne’s College, Oxford.

  3. IBD
    May 16, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Thing is your talking as if what you say is what everyone should believe…and as for your ‘FACT’s’ if you looked up the meaning of the word, you’ll find that your ‘FACT’s’ are actually opinion’s, that im sure some people would agree with, but alot more would disagree with. if you had stated them as opinion’s then you’d be wholely intitled to them, but you didnt…poor attempt at a rant…

  4. maxr
    May 17, 2009 at 1:43 pm


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