Home > Fuck all y'all > Sady Masochism

Sady Masochism

 

If there’s one thing that ILB has long been a major proponent of, it’s the wonderful writing that’s emerging from the Guardian’s arts department these days thanks to the two types of people employed there: jaded sexually frustrated middle aged white boys who used to write for IPC publications in the early 90s, and the utterly hopeless-but-nubile Oxbridge graduated females in their 20s they’ve taken on hoping for a “driving the cheerleader home after she babysits your kid” style sexual experience. Ain’t nobody getting laid there, though, and ain’t nobody enjoying reading a single damn word of their work.
Comment Is Free, though, has straight-up shifted the game, widening the net to include “writers who the editors want to fuck but are too awful to contemplate letting into the magazine”, “writers who are so utterly wrong-headed that their insanity leads to 400 comment long clusterfucks that drive hit rates up” and “Max Gogarty”. Sady Doyle has hit us with the middle one, making us long for those halcyon days when Max, 19, hit the road.
doyle-brunson
If there’s one thing that ILB has long been a major proponent of, it’s the wonderful writing that’s emerging from the Guardian’s arts department these days thanks to the two types of people employed there: jaded sexually frustrated middle aged white boys who used to write for IPC publications in the early 90s, and the utterly hopeless-but-nubile Oxbridge graduated females in their 20s they’ve taken on hoping for a “driving the cheerleader home after she babysits your kid” style sexual experience. Ain’t nobody getting laid there, though, and ain’t nobody enjoying reading a single damn word of their work.
Comment Is Free, though, has straight-up shifted the game, widening the net to include “writers who the editors want to fuck but are too awful to contemplate letting into the magazine”, “writers who are so utterly wrong-headed that their insanity leads to 400 comment long clusterfucks that drive hit rates up” and “Max Gogarty”. Sady Doyle has hit us with the middle one, making us long for those halcyon days when Max, 19, hit the road.
Let me break it down to this extent: the new Mrs Doyle has written an article on how Observe and Report is a rape and Seth Rogen is a rapist. Now really, this would have at least have been a pointful article a month ago, when absolutely every single US cultural publication and feminist blog was doing a good line in “rape is bad, imo”. Or a month ago when people didn’t realise that “Observe and Report” was going to die more deaths than Bhopal at the box office (lowest ever takings for a Rogen lead movie). But no, Doyle has OPINIONS4U and clearly took a whole month to write this piece, so she’s whored it to a UK publication instead. Which is an exciting new development for hacks at least, being as they can now not bother meeting deadlines for their own countries, and instead roll them out as and when films are dropped across the world. Maybe I’ll hold off until “Three and Out” shows in sub-Saharan Africa and review it for Comoros’s leading newspaper “Al-Watwan”. 
But, no, she took a whole month to write this article, and trust me it’s a fucking beauty. I’m not gonna break it down piece by piece because Fisking is for people who actively give a shit, and this is just me throwing easy zings out before rounding up with “Passantino solves society” style conclusions. But allow me to give you the opening lines in their full glory.
You know, people of the UK, I often wonder why you put up with folks from the United States. Think of what you have given us, in terms of entertainment, over the last few years: Lily Allen, Sasha Baron Cohen, Idris Elba, Daniel Craig as James Bond – the list goes on
I know, right? If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve found SD’s blog I’d assume from that it was a massive wind-up. That is a truly breathtaking piece of writing. It’s impossible to take the piss out of it. I’ve tried. I’ve tried casually mentioning that John Oliver and Tim Kash now both make full-time livings over in America doing whatever it was they were failing miserably to do on UK TV in 2004. I’ve tried going “bololololololol Lily Allen and Daniel Craig bolololololol”. I’ve tried wondering how clearly she had Ricky Gervais’s name in the original draft until someone pointed out he’s a loathsome cunt on every imaginable level. But I can’t. I cannot mock that paragraph at all. I think it stands unimpeachable as the perfect piece of bad writing from 2009.
The rest of the piece goes on to hit the usual Women’s Studies 101 targets, and actually achieves the remarkable aim of making me not want to read a piece beating on Seth Rogen. How charming and chubby, I’m rooting for you. It does contain the further iron-clad classic claim that “Rape… is a threat every woman lives with on a daily basis”, which kinda suggests that Sady might want to find some male friends who haven’t seen active military service, but I digress.
It’s probably worth checking out the girl’s blog as well, which as you can imagine  revolves mainly around her typing up what no doubt came across as coruscating socio-political feminist insight when shared over the last dregs of rosé and chow mein, but in written form just comes across as a woman doing far too much of the “I AM SOOOOO EXASPERATED AT THE WORLD I AM GOING TO END EVERY SENTENCE IN CAPITAL LETTERS” thing.
Again, though, worth checking out for some of the highest quality hand-wringing you will ever see, in which Sady makes like some kind of liberal arts Opus Dei convert and repeatedly flagellates herself for being thin. Seriously. I am not busting balls here. She has written a small essay on how she has an unfair advantage in life because she, I don’t know, doesn’t ask for garlic sauce on that, boss. Of course, it’s tied in with, in a stunning development for “I am writing about women’s issues in a national broadsheet” writers the revelation that she’s from a comfortable white middle class background, and it leads me to Jerry’s final thought: you people, when you’re doing your hand-wringing over the privilege life has afforded you… don’t. Actually stop writing, stop taking away jobs and commission fees from people who have actually done a day’s honest work in their life and may have something interesting to say, stop regurgitating mindless “talking points” you ganked from your RSS feed, just stop. Go and do something else. You’re going to end up in “creative” anyway, why slow down the process?
Advertisements
  1. cjdavies
    May 6, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    “Actually stop writing, stop taking away jobs and commission fees from people who have actually done a day’s honest work in their life and may have something interesting to say, stop regurgitating mindless “talking points” you ganked from your RSS feed, just stop.”

    Amen.

  2. Maria Smedstad
    May 6, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    This film was pretty funny really.

  3. getoutofmydreams
    May 7, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    I saw about 80% of Zack And Mary and I need closure.

  4. May 7, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    Funny little story I have already relayed over Twitter – happened to be reading an aforementioned outraged feminist article about the film on Jezebel.com , titled ‘Is Rape Ever Funny?’ It also had a little clip including the rape scene, that I just happened to be watching my boss ambled past, laughed at the headline and proceeded to watch over my shoulder. A thousand shades of awkward.

    • Dom Passantino
      May 7, 2009 at 5:49 pm

      I think I speak for us all here when I say that rape is only funny if it takes place in prison or to Rufus Wainwright.

  5. maxr
    May 11, 2009 at 1:54 am

    jus coming back to say rape is usually bad, imo

  6. ellid
    September 9, 2010 at 1:25 am

    What a pathetic little loser you are.

  1. January 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: