Home > ILB's Week In Spotify > ILB’s Week In Spotify: #3

ILB’s Week In Spotify: #3


Just think, we here at IchLugeBullets were all up on Spotify as far back as six weeks ago, and now it’s become such big business that it’s even earned itself an article in either thelondonpaper or London Lite, written by either of the respective lead music writers for those two publications, the one who looks like a straight-up paedo or the one who looks like a slightly more sophisticated 21st century groomer. The joys. We here at ILB are proud to present what we’ve been bumping on the green and black circle over the past ten days. Rather than, you know, providing you with content.

ILB Spotify Playlist Week 3

David Guetta – Love Is Gone

I suppose one of the main benefits of Spotify is that it gives you a chance to give some last.fm statistics dap to the kind of songs you’d never have bothered downloading previously, unless you had a particularly slow powerplate session at the gym that afternoon. David Guetta looks like the kind of guy you see and go “Wait, how is he getting that many broads, he’s clearly gay” in a club, and then he goes off and snorts coke off the ass of two haircut models while your departure from the club ends with you engaging Abdul in conversation at Kebab Land. Naan, garlic sauce, no chillis, Dr Pepper. Thanks.


Cole Porter – You’re The Best

Outside of Slick Rick’s jams for the ladies it’s hard to know anyone who’s sweet-talked the dames with as punchline-heavy a flow as Cole Porter on this track. For a guy whose meant to be one of the great songwriters, “You’re The Best” doesn’t really lend itself to covers by try-hard actors. Barbra Streisand tries to make a song about someone debasing themselves in order to appear attractive into some sort of “dress slit to the thigh” torch ballad, Cary Grant‘s dead smile always creeped me out, and the sooner gay people everywhere all apologise for John Barrowman, the better. Not so much cellophane as chopped liver.


Cuban Boys – Self Esteem

My attempts at creating a “Provincial mosher club circa 2000” playlist on Spotify are severely hampered by their refusal to stock the Offspring’s pre-major label albums (and Feeder, for that matter. RIP fallen soldier Jon Lee, mourn ya ’til I join ya). So here’s early 2000s “thing” the Cuban Boys turning a nice piece of over-emotive Eurotechno from their 2000 album “Eastwood” which also features a track consisting of the the “Oh my god they killed Kenny” sample repeatedly looped over happy hardcore, and if you can find this album for sale anywhere for a price of above 50p I will literally shit in shock.


The Beatnuts ft Method Man – Se Acabo (Remix)

If we’ve had been more on top of things at ILB, we’d have been giving you a nice post about Method Man and Redman ft Bun B’s “City Lights”, the recently leaked track /lead single (same thing now, right?) from Red and Meth’s forthcoming “Blackout 2”, a track that hits every single button I demand from a chart hip-hop track: three MCs I give a shit about doing their own distinct verses, catchy ass hook sampling a dead guy, quotables for miles (“Been ridin’ dirty since dirty died”, “I shit on folks, the opposite of RK”) and the fake anticipation that maybe in 2009 there’ll be a rap album released from industry vets that won’t make me go “Eh… could have been”. Anyway, so no “City Lights”, it’s not on Spotify. Here’s another great Meth collab though, from the true most rated underrateds of rap, The Beatnuts. The beats on those turn-of-the-century Beatnuts albums are absolutely crazy, here consisting of some Hispanic lounge singer from the 60s and farting brass section. Beatnuts and Meth mark the only occasion that beer and weed mix.


The Skids – The Saints Are Coming

The one true remaining aspect of white working class English culture, apart from Blackout Crew, is of course professional darts, and for all of the man’s cuntitude Barry Hearn has to be given a pat on the back for creating sport from what is effectively a pub game. But it’s worth thinking about the theme tunes these guys have when they march to the oche.  Alan “The Saint” Tabern, current PDC #11, enters to “The Saints Are Coming”, The Skids’ 1978 punk single about the death of Scottish soldiers in the religious troubles in Northern Ireland. A protestant Scot being shot point blank through the head by a Catholic terrorist: this is the kind of image “Tabby” likes to project as summing up his darts style. On the other hand, “The Martial Dartist” Kirk Shepherd enters to T-Rex’s “21st Century Boy”, a) meaning that they couldn’t think of a single karate, judo, or martial arts-based song b) making his entrances, if you will, a little gay.


Porter Wagoner – Tell Her Lies and Feed Her Candy

In 2009, Porter Wagoner is better known for his absolutely fucking ridiculous haircut and giving Dolly Parton her first major break in showbiz. Guy could carry a tune as well though, and this goes to show that country music was giving the big girls some lovin’ long before rap music was a glimmer in a mad man’s eye. On a Wagoner tip, though… this is the video for Lily Allen’s new single, “Not Fair”:


a) Wasn’t that video a lot better when Jenny Lewis did it four years ago, mainly because it had Lewis’s amazing rack in it?

b) Is it just me or does that song sound exactly like the Canyonero jingle from the Simpsons?


 The Spin Doctors – Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong

Don’t front, you’ve not listened to this song since you sold your copy of “Pocket Full of Kyptonite” in 1995. Brain surgeon, monkey wrench.


Billy Joel – The Longest Time

I think the time has come to crown the third king of NY. The first was Francis Albert Sinatra (I know he originally repped NJ).  Second was Christopher George Latore Wallace. And the trinity needs to be completed, with William Martin Joel. A dago, a black, and a Jew. It’s what made America great. My Joel love isn’t ironic. I thought it was for a while, but “The Lonest Time” is just too perfect to scat along to in the office corridor, pissing off the sales department. Shame that “We Didn’t Start The Fire” is the worst song ever, huh?


Lit – My Own Worst Enemy

The Enemy frontman Tom Clarke has claimed that they saw the global recession coming with 2007 debut album ‘We’ll Live And Die In These Towns‘.

He said: “We did see it coming early, and there were a lot of people who didn’t get the band because of that. I think there will be a lot more people now that see the relevance of the first album, let alone the second.”

However, Clarke does not claim to have all the answers to recovery as well. 

“I’m not a politician and I don’t know,” he continued. “I’m very good at just pointing out what’s happening… like, I know when I see car workers being given an hour’s notice, which is what happened last month (at the Mini factory in Cowley), that that’s out of order. But actually changing the country is a seriously hard job, and people don’t actually give politicians enough credit.”

We don’t hate you enough to add a track by The Enemy to the playlist.
Trio – Da Da Da
As featured in the end credits of Il Divo, the new biopic of Giulio Andreotti at UK cinemas now. Go and watch, then go and pester all of your Italian friends to ask “So wait, what was the skateboard doing there? I don’t get… and the cat?”
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