Home > Trance Anthems > Trance Anthems 2009: Part 5 – The disappointing finale with someone called Matthew

Trance Anthems 2009: Part 5 – The disappointing finale with someone called Matthew


OK, let us try and wrap up this story in as few words as possible, it’s wholly unpleasant and we really should have written about it a month or so back.

When we were posing as a naive 20-year-old submissive on a BDSM website in order to troll the site’s residents into writing album reviews under the deluded belief we were going to become their slave, we originally thought it might be “jokes bruv” to engage some of these people in chats, wind them up, basically troll them. We were wrong. This would not be “jokes bruv” as the sole people who would contact a “20-year-old girl” asking for lifetime sexual slavery are, unsurprisingly, violent sexual perverts who should all be castrated.  But one guy we did manage to talk to for a while, just for you kids out there.

One of the first messages we got from the site was from a “hypnoslave79”, who sent us the following:

Hey, this is katie’s Master. I saw you were interested in hypnosis. I have been using it for a long time in the lifestyle for obedience training and control. If you would like to learn more about it or experience it with me contact me on this profile or add me on yahoo messenger at hypno_funn. As far as music goes, I’m a musician and I write and play for a band. We have some recordings if you’d like to hear. Hope to hear from you ~Matthew

“I write and play for a band”. We suspected there’d be some laughs involved here and, back in our days churning out articles on fetish porn for a wholly ungrateful mainstream Goth wankrag, we came into contact with a few “hypnodommes” for a piece we wrote once, so thought we had enough game knowledge to bluff it. What we got instead was a disturbing insight into the psyche of the average American college rocker.

We didn’t save our first Yahoo chat with “Matthew”, which is a shame. In content, it wasn’t too different from the usual stuff we got from the site: bragging about his other conquests, long-winded derivations into his own fetishes and kinks, and the chronic insecurity a man whose sole sexual turn-on involves overriding other people’s free will could come up with. Oh, and, of course, “maybe one day you’ll come and live with us da da da”. He showed us his other submissive, a mousey 21-year-old called Katie, on webcam and made her cluck like a chicken. Fantastic, my sexual arousal is through the roof already. But then he started sending us his bands’ MP3s…

Romine – Mathematicians

“Mathematics is pure Shins” said Matthew, about fifteen minutes before trying to make me addicted to his semen. After some low end mockery of his attempts at falsetto, he then went on to disparage Prince. What kind of self-respect pervert doesn’t like Prince? Anyway, Romine appear to be our Matthew’s main band, check out their Myspace and accidentally uncover his real name here. This song truly is awful, the man clearly woke up one morning and thought “Wouldn’t it be great if Ween covered The Move” and no, no it wouldn’t. Check out that falsetto though, it sounds like every drunk guy in the karaoke bar trying for that second line in “If You Leave Me Now”


The Fatal Accidents – Thinking You Know (But You Don’t)

Dig those atmospheric opening chords, they really need Eric Stolz dressed as a cop strolling moodily down a New York street in 1992. Up until listening to this song I always assumed that America’s sole saving grace was that nobody there knew who Kasabian were. Now the US is literally a country with nothing to give. Here’s some chat excerpts Matt Not-So-Sweet sent us while we were actually listening to this:

hypno_funn (01/03/2009 21:28:36): when you wake up… you will want to see me getting my cock sucked so badly…. 

hypno_funn (01/03/2009 21:28:46): every suggestion will hit you harder.. .and deeper in your mind…. 

hypno_funn (01/03/2009 21:28:59): all you can think of is sucking cock….


Which leads us to:


I want to apologise to anyone who listens to this and becomes addicted to the semen of a US college rocker, but it really does bare listening to. If Anton Mesmer could see that his finest invention had led to this I’m sure he’d be a very, very happy man. It’s not just me, right? He does sound like the guy from Wheatus? I’d honestly not be that surprised if he turned out to look like the guy from Wheatus, to be honest.

Anyway, look: this isn’t interesting I know, but the suffering I underwent to get these MP3s for you needs recognising. Maybe by this time next year Romane (is that meant to be Romance without the C or are they punning on lettuce variants?) will be big. And IchLugeBullets brought you them first.

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