Home > Cultural lowpoints of 200x > HOT NEW BEEF: Perez Hilton vs NORE

HOT NEW BEEF: Perez Hilton vs NORE

Not since Charles Hamilton versus Soulja Boy has IchLugeBullets been so emotionally involved in a war of words between two of our generation’s most important voices. Can we get some Drudge Sirens up in here for a second please?

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TIMELINE OF A BEEF

23/02/2009, 1600: MS Paint fattey Perez Hilton takes a brief pause from talking about some bullshit nobody with a BMI of under 27 could ever possibly give a shit about to put Mr Laps Around The English Channel himself, NORE, on roast, describing him as a “bitch”, “douchebag”, “queen” and “idiot”, after he fails to beat cases without Cochran and instead gets arrested for ripping flowers up in a burger bar. Perez’s comments box refrains from making too many “rap morelike crap amirite” gags, instead goes “who?” quite a lot.

23/02/2009, c1730: NORE uses his Twitter account to take a pause from asking his fanbase whether he should get Asher Roth on a remix to call Hilton a “douchebag…lol”

23/02/2009 c1730: Hilton fires back with that thrusting quick wit we’ve all come to know and love from asexual gay guys with a strong media presence with that A+ zing “At least you know who I am, bitch! xoxo”

23/02/2009 c1830: Confused by that fantastic lyrical left book, NORE wanders around stunned for a few seconds, letting his guard down to ask “who you calling a bitch!!!!???”

23/02/2009 c1830: NORE starts bleeding heavily from his crotch, proceeds to make some injoke to the producer Alchemist about him being Hilton’s brother, then stops to say “dirty mud butt!! u must know who I am cause u on my twitter but my twitter is for str8 people that don’t wear wigs!!!!”

23/02/2009 c1830: Sensing blood after a few minutes silence, NORE’s followthrough is masterful: “But u r homo n a way that’s foul. if u don’t know how I am,y would u call me a douchebag & a pitbull. google my police records!”

23/02/2009 c1830: Hilton, who doesn’t deny wearing a wig, goes on the back foot but prepares a classic counter-defence: “Me being a homo is foul? Is it because I’m open about it but you keep your gayness on the downlow??? xoxox”. For best effect, read that in the voice of Jasper from Family Guy

23/02/2009 c1830: Possibly being aware of how devastating the loss of Gaydar royalties would be to his monthly cheques, NORE goes on damage limitation: “No disrespect to my gay fans!I make great music that even gay people like. if u don’t like it don’t listen please. Fake ass madonna!!!” is followed by “No hate crime! No gay bashing! Just setting 1 gay guy str8!…lol..Pause!”

23/02/2009 c1830: Not “lol pausing”, NORE proceeds to make two more gags about Alchemist being close friends with Hilton (how do you zing a guy for fake friends when IRL Alchemist has rolled with Shifty Shellshock and James Caan’s son), before closing up with what he believes will be the final blow “Lighten up! laugh out loud!!!! Perez Hilton for secretary of state!!!! Stop being so anal!! LOL!!!!”

 

Will that be it? Will Hilton come back with a final slap, or will he stick to writing “fug” on pictures of some fucking American reality TV star or some bullshit I don’t fucking know or care. Does he know Noreage, the real Noreaga, he owe him a hundred (gay) favours? Is Capone looking on from the sidelines facepalming his way through the day? Can someone please cut off the internet connection of all other rappers before they make themselves look like even bigger tards? Hey remember when Perez Hilton was going to set up his own record label they certainly happened. And will they get in the studio to throw down on wax? imo, remember them this way, as lovers not fighters on wax:

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