Home > Cultural lowpoints of 200x > Thoughts on Morrissey’s barely concealed cock

Thoughts on Morrissey’s barely concealed cock

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wait what?

I spend most of my “indie argument” time these days positing that the main failure and issue with British indie bands of the past 20 years has been “too many Morrisseys and not enough Marrs”. On the basis of this photo, I may need to alter my argument slightly, being as every time I mention Morrissey in my entire life from this point in, this photo will come into my head. I don’t think it’s for nothing that this promo photo hits the world in the same week that The Guardian publishes an article arguing that all women who choose heterosexuality are somehow deficient. This photo proves them correct.

So, so many thoughts about this. Why does Morrissey now resemble a Sardinian barber? Why is longtime Neighbours comic relief Toadfish Rebecchi second from the right of the photo? Why does Morrissey have such pale feet? Does he sunbathe wearing shoes? Why is Morrissey’s LP slightly lower than everyone else’s, is it just so we can get more of his pubic hair in shot? And why is Morrissey’s pubic hair so bushy, especially compared to the guy next to him, who seems to have taken his love of mangardening to the extent where he now resembles an alopecia posterboy. Also, why are Morrissey’s arms so fat in comparison to his body? Photoshopping or botched surgery?

If you’re actually anticipating a new Morrissey album, btw, you’re a fucking idiot, being as the final chances the man ever had of getting back on track and producing decent material were washed away when he started getting laid a few years ago and his muse stopped being emotionally stunted adolescence and wilful offensiveness, and instead the kind of deluded sexual self-belief that would lead to a 50-year-old man, I dunno, stripping naked and pinning some vinyl on his schlong. Morrissey’s sexual liberation also lead to my nomination for the worst bit of music writing this decade, the 3,000 word interview piece Douglas Coupland wrote on Morrissey for the Observer Music Monthly three years ago, which is notable as an interview piece as it contains no direct quotes. The subtext to that piece always made me assume that how it went down was the two fucked in their hotel rooms, Morrissey didn’t call back the next day, and Coupland took his baldy Canadian head back to his writing studios and knocked off 3,000 words of student newspaper Smiths lyrical analysis, in between having an inordinate number of wanks. Maybe it’s just me that thinks that, though.

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  1. Toadfish "Toadie" Rebecchi
    February 1, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    “too many Morrisseys and not enough Marrs”

    You obviously never listened to that ‘Johnny Marr & The Healers’ album, fat man.

  2. Jessica
    July 1, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I fucking hate you and wish only horrible things for you and every person you love.

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