Archive for January, 2009

The posts that celebrate themselves: #3 Ashlee Simpson – Bittersweet World

January 15, 2009 Leave a comment


Another entry in IchLugeBullets’ occasional series of reviews from websites that nobody ever read that deserve a wider audience. This one in particular sparked some of the funniest reactions to my work outside of Tori Amos’ fans and clapped out Brummie romos, this comment kills it:


Because it’s certainly not a fucking review. 

Regardless of what the album sounds like, that is one of the laziest, ill-informed pieces of shit I’ve read all year. 

How this gob-shite got a job I’ll never know, but he’s clearly got issues with having to ‘review’ stuff that might be considered remotely commercial. 

Plus, despite his best efforts, it’s not even funny. “Look: I used the words “fucking idiots” and chastised people with differing opinions in a review.” 

What a fucking prick. 

I hope the album is shit to at least make sure the reviewer isn’t totally fucking useless, but if the CD is so terrible, why did it get 3/10?


Fantastic work all round. Read more…


Half Man Half Biscuit – Epiphany (Peel Session, 2004)

January 15, 2009 4 comments


In what probably counts as the most important find in any field anyone will make in 2009, the John Peel archivist MP3 blog  “The Perfumed Garden” actually upped a complete set of Half Man Half Biscuit Peel Sessions last summer, which I only discovered in the past 48 hours. Go here to download nothing but bangers from the greatest band England ever produced, or go after the cut to see me pontificate about one song in particular.. Read more…

It’s “Songs Tom Russell has written about boxers” Sunday on!

January 11, 2009 Leave a comment


Tom Russell is a 58-year-old man who wrote songs for Johnny Cash, taught English in Southern Nigeria during the middle of the Biafran War, and kept Charles Bukowski as a penfriend. He then went on to record an album about his friendship with Bukowski from the viewpoint of a fictitious circus midget. He’s written detective novels, produced in-house music for circuses and strip bars, and has to me what a ravaged voice is meant to sound like, not some fucking Tom Waits “If Alex Higgins was American” shit. Proper grit 40 sandpaper vocals. You don’t listen to enough Tom Russell, for reasons that are beyond me. His back catalogue tends to deal with three things: ballads for lost Cowboy America, Mexican criminals, and boxers being hella fucked up. Here’s a Sunday tribute to the four best songs he wrote about the final of those three. Read more…

Contractual Obligations #3: New Year Edition

January 10, 2009 Leave a comment


Admit it: you’re all holding out on developing a full-time opinion on Little Boots until you know where she stands on the Gaza Conflict. We all are. It’s been a fortnight where every manjack on the big boy publications has been eagerly copy-and-pasting words out of press release so you know who’s gonna be big in 2009. The answer: 7000 female solo acts with some fucking folk influence and 217 bands that sound like The Editors. It’s gonna be a classic year.

But you know IchLugeBullets sees through the bullshit. You know we can sift through the PR lies and bring you the that real. So give it up for the first Contractual Obligations of 2009. Read more…

Top 10 comments posted underneath a YouTube video featuring a slideshow of magazine covers set to Mitch Miller’s “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

A brief moment’s celebration if you will: Claude Carpentieri has made like Roberto Duran and shouted out “No mas, no mas!”. As of around midnight yesterday, all reference to IchLugeBullets and it’s chirpy chappy editor have been wiped off “Hegley Road To Ladywood” or whateverthefuck it was called, and instead been replaced with our Claude agreeing with Yasmin Alibhai-Brown that the white working classes are the most disgusting savages on the planet. He’s a charmed that kid.

Anyway, how better to celebrate this throwing in of the towel than by heading over to popular video-sharing website “YouTube” and cutting a rug to the first ever number one to take place in the rock’n’roll era (ie, the first Billboard topper after “Rock Around The Clock”) “The Yellow Rose of Texas” by Mitch Miller? Read more…

Lucha Britannia: Reverse Armdrags Fund Terrorism

January 7, 2009 2 comments


These are heady fucking times for Between the Claudebeef, posting a shit tonne of Royce Da 5’9” MP3s, our self-link heavy year-end round-ups, and an article pointing out that I went to school with one whole individual who went on to make a semi-useful contribution to society in life, we’re currently in the middle of the most successful period of our existence, in terms of hits, comments and high-end content. So let’s ruin all that by taking two days off posting and then coming back with a treatise on ethnic misappropriation, pro-wrestling and post-roller derby culture.

Read more…

The posts that celebrate themselves: Scouting for Girls – Scouting For Girls


So turns out ILB has developed itself another enemy, and there’ll be a post on the topic tomorrow… we were going to write it up today but, and this is some high-end excusery right here, we were delayed an extra two hours at our scrabble game this evening due to cancellations, and I fucked up my last game by not realising I could have played either “maziness” or “mestizas” to go out on my final move. Anyway, whatever. In the latest in an occasional series of the finest pieces of my writing that never got the full-scale (read: non-shut-in aspie british indie kid) audience they deserves, we hereby present to you another classic Passantino review: Scouting for Girl’s S-T debut album, from September 2007. It also includes a fantastic diversion into the concept of Mondeo Pop, in response to which we got our only ever e-mail from Simon Reynolds for. He admitted that “Mary’s Prayer” is a much better song than he gave it credit for in 87. Read more…

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