Home > Keepin’ It Nonpositive, Uncategorized > Lucha Britannia: Reverse Armdrags Fund Terrorism

Lucha Britannia: Reverse Armdrags Fund Terrorism

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These are heady fucking times for IchLugeBullets.com. Between the Claudebeef, posting a shit tonne of Royce Da 5’9” MP3s, our self-link heavy year-end round-ups, and an article pointing out that I went to school with one whole individual who went on to make a semi-useful contribution to society in life, we’re currently in the middle of the most successful period of our existence, in terms of hits, comments and high-end content. So let’s ruin all that by taking two days off posting and then coming back with a treatise on ethnic misappropriation, pro-wrestling and post-roller derby culture.

Vanderhorne

myspace.com/luchabritannia

luchabritannia@yahoo.co.uk

86.141.44.248    

Submitted on 2009/01/04 at 1:37am

Id love for you to attend a “Lucha Britannia” show & allow you the opportunity to retract your ill informed comment.

If were so bad, then why do the authentic, most revered stars of Mexican wrestling such as El Hijo del Santo, Blue Demon & Cassandro et al come to us twice a year for assistance with their “Lucha Libre London” shows? And then why do they also perform for Lucha VaVoom?

Intelligent reply will be treated with respect, otherwise your journalistic days are over.

 

I’d made it to the age of 26 having only previously been insulted by one wrestler: former WCW midcarder PN Newz, who responded to some of my witty ringside banter at a UK independent show he was wrestling in Bletchley by shouting “You wanna get in here you fat fuck?” Sitting behind me at the time, looking bored out of her skull with a gang of male friends, was a girl who was arguably one of the 20 most beautiful people I’d ever seen in my life, but she was wearing a Biffy Clyro t-shirt. The Lord giveth…

But now that number has doubled. First off Vanderhorne, if you’re knee-deep in the grap game, you could have least cut a full-scale promo on me. Would it have hurt you so much to preface the mithering results of your self-googling with “Let me tell you something, brotha” or “You know, Mean Gene”?

I have qualifications here. I’m actually a long-term professional wrestling fan, to the point that when I got to the gym, my iPod doesn’t contain High Energy Dance Mania Volume 7, but audio rips of two-hour long sitdown interviews with Ernie Ladd and Dan Spivey. I sometimes actively choose to leave the house wearing a t-shirt that has Junk Yard Dog’s face on it. Every now and then I stop to myself and go “Hmmm, I wonder what Chilly Willy is doing right now?” I’m educated when it comes to the “sport”.

And my main view on it plays back into the previous HAI GUYZ I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH DOCTOR WHO post: wrestling and sci-fi have a lot in common, asides from the obvious good v bad narrative bullshit. Both of them are targeted at the socially inept and children. If you start looking at them through the prism of art, literature, or anything of quantifiable value, you’ve lost, you may as well be wanking over a Bratz doll. However, if you wanna look at it from the sociological context, from the point that x represents Communism and y) represents man’s fear of the sexually liberated woman, then you’re playing with something.

Lucha Britannia would, if they were being honest, admit a heavy heavy debt to California’s Lucha Va Voom. Both play heavily to the roller derby, ironic bowling shirt, guys who would willingly pimp their girlfriend out to Brian Setzer if he’d bro down with them after the gig crowd.

Look, really: all you need to know about Lucha Britannia is that they formerly held shows at the Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, the epicentre of all that is wrong with Britain today, a land where indie kids can dress as 1920s French prostitutes in a room that has series of red lightbulbs in the shape of a fucking lightbulb or something, while ignoring the fact that they’re only their because the privileged have priced the working classes out of their very own drinking establishments, a kind of cashcard colonialism.

And the ethos behind Lucha Britannia is pained as well: lucha wrestling is something sacred in Mexico, remember: even today, successful bad guys have to wander around with police escorts, guys like El Santo and Salvador Lutteroth are significant to a history of Mexican pop culture in the same way that a James Dean, an Elvis or a (lol) Bettie Page would be to the West. Plus you have the near-ceremonial respect for masks, which combined folk traditions with snazzy glittered tailoring.

What Lucha Britannia, Lucha Va Voom, and the rest of the “Dresden Dolls meets Los Conquistadores” crowd (nearly used the pun “Suicide Plancha Girls”, considered it too contrived) don’t understand is that what they’re basically doing is taking the folk culture of a country they have no particular insight or interest on, and repacking it under the viewpoint that “Finally, we can apply an Anglophone viewpoint to all of this and finally get it right”. In effect, these guys are little more than the Diplo of pro-wrestling, and I can’t think of a more hideous thing to be.

And it’s not enough to say “Oh, but some Mexican wrestlers have come over here and earned a paycheck for us”. It’s not good enough, it doesn’t confer any moral justification on you whatsoever. El Hijo Del Santo worked for 20 fucking years under Antonio Pena, a man who’s associated with more light-hearted allegations of gay rape and casting couching than the military. Also, you mean Blue Demon Jr: Blue Demon’s been dead for nine years.

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  1. sofiminx
    September 22, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    Much appreciated. I desperately needed to read something about these ‘Lucha’ events that wasn’t the regurgitated marketing mush. I tried my jab at it through performance theory by focusing on a few redeeming moments.

  1. October 19, 2009 at 12:13 am

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