Home > Cultural lowpoints of 200x > Post-midnight Youtube filler: The Flying Pickets – Only You (#1, November 1983), plus Claude Carpentieri arguing that white people should be proud of their white culture and not follow inferior black forms

Post-midnight Youtube filler: The Flying Pickets – Only You (#1, November 1983), plus Claude Carpentieri arguing that white people should be proud of their white culture and not follow inferior black forms

donning (1 year ago)  0    Reply | Spam

Sorry mate. My brother used to try to sing it when it was out (he was a toddler), he died in 2003. Nothing so evocative as throwaway pop songs eh!IchLugeBullets will be returning back to the, internetless, hometown of Northampton for the next four days, so don’t expect too much in the way of content. Hilariously enough, we will be back to a PC in time to make our fantasy football transfers for this week. Priorities. I was thinking of calling next year’s time “Johnny Haynes Jazz”.

If we were gonna run with a theme here, the Youtube clip in question really should have featured some of Northampton’s finest musical acts: Bauhaus, Des O’Connor, Maps, at least one member of Let Loose, Faye Tozer from Steps, and Medium 77 (ask your grandfather): they were all considered. But technically “Only You” was a Christmas single, so, y’know: t’is the season and all that.

Anyway, regardless: you want entertainment? ILB, in association with “some random left-wing blog”, has you covered. Those of you who haven’t read the “Hum Hallelujah” entry below this one, hop to it. Despite being written in an irritable insomniac daze because the Senegalese family who live upstairs insist on doing their washing at gone midnight, it looks like going down in ILB history thanks to some fantastic crotch-bleeding. One commenter said it was “almost as good as the Joe Mofrad thing”, and while nothing will ever come close to that in my heart, or the hearts of you readers, it’s safe to say that “Claude Carpentieri” is quite a character. This man apparently works in education, so what I’ve decided would be a fair exchange of ideals is to, instead of letting his responses, under about six different pseudonyms all from the same IP address, be hidden away in the bowels of the previous post, I’ve decided to shove them all up here, happily located alongside a nice song by the Flying Pickets (Thatcher’s favourite song of the 80s, y’know? Between this lot and “Telstar”, that girl knew how to pick a banger). That way we can all ponder whether or not we think that Claude fully steps over the line into outright racism with these, or just plays toyfully with race-baiting. Is he James Cornette, is he Roddy Piper? YOU DECIDE:

 

 

Clive Mendonca

twattyblog.com

tombolah@hotmail.co.uk

82.51.147.212

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 11:33am

I reckon Dom is secretly in love.

 

 

 

Johnny

morrissey-solo.com

singles00@hotmail.com

82.51.147.212

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 9:46am

What a geek. You obviously don’t do fair play. Which is very conveninent under total anonymity, isn’t it? How brave and urban, eh? U speak all urban ‘n’ diss me me ho ‘n’ then u don’ even ‘ave the honesty to leave comments as they were! Especially when, unlike everything you wrote, they weren’t offensive.

The comment I left last night was completely different. You obviously can’t deal with criticism and you stick the Robbie Fowler stuff… Simply because you know that your whole hideous rant was based on a total misquote.

You can give it, but you can’t take it. Oh dear. Someone was denied toys as a kid.

Now, listen, I’m willing to keep this civilised and drop this here. Don’t bother about publishing this comment as you’d change it anyway.

Take that photo down and act fair. There’s a code bloggers have. Blogs disagree with one another every day, even harshly, but personal attacks with photos and insults are just LOW. No need for that.

At the end of the day no-one was attacking you as a person IN PUBLIC.

So chill. Light yourself a spliff or take a camomille or use your right wank and get hairy palms or whatever is it you do to contain that amusing cyber-rage of yours.

But insults in public with photos? No.

And what is this sarcastic “Johnny” in quotes? How rich, coming from someone who hasn’t even got an email address online for contact, let alone a real name!!!

 

 

 

Ali G

twattyblog.com

tombolah@hotmail.co.uk

82.58.8.24

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 2:23pm

Listen up masses,

nuff said. All those ass douchebags faggots wiv da ink, man. Not as manly as me, that dudebitch. I digg sum good ink thou I can’t holler the word tattoo cuz it aint cool enuff. Gotta say “ink”, bro.

That douchebag (fag, dat is) stylled all the aggro about da r’n’b stuff, even though he werent’t on about “r n b” and I understood jack I went off on one, bros, cuz da letters “r” and “b” were in da article, man.

So I dun a piece. On my blog where I speak ‘alf urban (cuz I digg it, man) ‘n’ ‘alf like an arty nerd n stick a German moniker that sounds like Jurgen Klins Ich cuz it dibs the write vibe man. (Editor’s note: fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Claude)

Like take a gander at what i wrote abt them “Clash prissy richboys playing cultural tourist dress-up”, cuz Joe Strummer’s dad worked for the British consulate.

‘N’ u cant write leftie stuff can u, not if ur dad’s pimp makes more than 13k per-year. I ain’t quite sure what the allowed income to write leftie choones is, but neat man, Clash were cultural dress-up. They ain’t for real. Pops’ a teacha? Dunno either. I’ll let ya all know what income level can allow a band to write leftie lyrics. Me hate da lefties anyway.

I digg the Ali G posturing instead, bro. Fuck the Clash n fuck dose douchebags. I digg spending hours online, picking fights wiv ovva blogs, get all “aggy”, misquote as much as i can (cuz I understand jack) diss it all round but it ain’t creepy man. It ain’t. It ain’t stalker freaky that I get “aggy” n post pics of douchebags like if I was a creepster bodankadonk.

I rip n republish n hotlink snaps of those douchebag n I won’t tolerate ne dissent.

 

 

 

Bengaboys

corsetry.com

bengaboys@hotmail.co.uk

87.7.74.46

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 5:26pm

Yeah “cjdavies”,

but whereabouts does it say ‘posted by’ or ‘written by’ “Dom Passantino”??? Cos I may be blind (and that’s well possible), but I haven’t seen that. The name Dom Passantino did not crop up until the 5th or 6th comment…

So, you tell me: how in the name of the holy Bejesus is an occasional passer-by on this sophisticated blog supposed to know that Dom Perignon is the one who penned that fine piece of not-to-be criticised (because if you do Dom Perignon will stick a Robbie Fowler reference) bloggery?

And yet it’s pretty basic. I mean, to sign those fine pieces of rage isn’t to ask a free bottle of Dom Perignon for the tens of thousands of readers of this wonderful German site. Or is it? And to have a contact mail, I know Mr Perignon must be very busy signing autographs, but surely a little “email here” wouldn’t put the author out…?

My most heartfelt apologies if this humble comment of mine is forcing the owner of this blog to look for football comments to be pasted all over my epithets!

 

 

(Editor’s note: at this point there’s a failed attempt at comment-bombing with four or five posts of 500 words or more that are just random c+p’d text from elsewhere. Fun fact: the reason this site has all comments set to be approved is because the “The Triumphant Return of Wiley the Keyboard Warrior” post, on account of it containing the phrases “WoW account” and “furry porn”, serves as a massive magnet for spambots)

 

Micky Indurain

spoiledartywannabealig.com

urbanbrat@hotmail.com

87.7.74.46

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 6:17pm

You don’t like a fair 1 to 1 exchange do you, Dom Perignon? You are abit of a douchebag arent you? Otherwise you’d publish comments critical of your manners and the general standard of this urban blog, bro…

O’Leary, 48, left Villa by mutual consent on Wednesday and Aitken has been named as temporary manager.

Aitken said: “This situation has been hyped so much but it’s in the past now and we’ve had a word with the players, we all need to start moving forward.”

You like that sort of stuff dont you. Whats that word? coward? geek? Spoilt brat? Creep? Stalker?

 

Claude

mymarilyn.blogspot.com

claudecarpentieri@hotmail.com

82.59.20.192

Submitted on 2008/12/23 at 11:50pm

“But that’s Harry’s Place. Apparently the biggest liberal blog out there, and one that I eagerly await my daily “Gordon Brown is a good thing apart from when he’s doing well in the polls in which case he’s actually a Tory” fix is Liberal Conspiracy. ”

Care to explain his hideous statement about Liberal Conspiracy and Gordon Brown? Nahh, can’t be arsed. Maybe cos he hasn’t got a clue – or an opinion of his own?

They helpfully give you a “round-up” of other blog posts of note from that day. Today they linked to this piece on a blog called “Hagley Road to Ladywood”.

Someone needs to be hitting up 4chan asap and ask them to start making more facepalm image macros, because if you try and get through this article in one sitting you’re going to use up the internet’s current supply.

Speak properly mate, the world’s not just all cybergeeks like you playing urban Ali G bro. What the fuck are you on about?

It’s not just that this article, seemingly without any irony, wonders whether or not record labels will ever take a chance again on “obscure indie bands” like Franz Ferdinand and Kaiser Chiefs (no matter how dumb that statement is on face value, it gets even worse when remembering that both The Karelia and Parva were signed to major labels).

Except that you can’t even read. Either that or you just think that misquoting an article is the only way to tickle your jizzle when you need inspiration to pen the shit you come up with . Even the dumbest intern at the Daily Star knows that misquoting and then attacking the same misquote is trite 6th form journalism. But seriously, this dumbass can’t even read. Because if he could, he’d be able to make out the following: “Of course no-one’s saying that there won’t be another Franz Ferdinand or Kaiser Chiefs. But, for sure, the X-Factor’s bulky presence will halve their already meagre chances and push real musicians and bands further into obscurity”. This woodhead with 3-sec attention span has decided it means record lables will not, categorically – take a chance again on FF or KC.

It’s not just that the same blog contains a post where it’s mentioned that the dudes who kicked that one goth to death MADE A “HIP HOP VIDEO THAT GLORIFIED VIOLENCE”.

Well, you prick. Fact is they did. Take the lid off that excuse for a brain, do your homework and watch it for yourself. And hey, you spoilt little arsehole. “That one goth “ that was “kicked to death” was somebody’s daughter, somebody’s girlfriend, somebody’s friend. Go play with your decks and hope you don’t end up kicked to death but some “dudes” (also, again, cut it out mate, speak properly, you’re not from Harlem) while you’re crossing the park alone. You get all worked up (really psycho-like) over a blog writing a simple music opinion, but at least leave a dead innocent girl alone.

All the stuff you wrote was pretty dumb, but this was actually SICK.

Let me speed run this shit: the guy who runs this blog is in his mid 30s, and still uses the term “you’re like pawns on a chessboard”, which is the kinda line that would maybe get you “much clown love” on an ICP message board, but laughed out of the room everywhere else.

Speak properly mate, the world’s not just all cybergeeks like you playing urban Ali G bro. Everywhere else? Where? On an anonymous (literally), obscure 1-person blog no-one’s heard of? That’s everywhere else. Delusional or what? It must be one deck too many, duuuuuuuude.

Mid-30s? So what? Is there a retirement age to write about music? How old are you 18? Just started Uni? Convincing yourslef you’re a hip-hopper down Harlem? And…incidentally…you can talk about “using terms”! Good lord. Fuckin hell pot and kettle are having a fit!

He uses the phrase “Jimmy Riddle” to mean “piss” for no obvious reason.

Because that’s what it means. What would the reason be, eh? Like a prick is born a prick for no obvious reason either. You should know.

There’s a “manufactured pop is just like McDonalds” analogy because, y’know… it just is, OK. X-Factor is turning “music into the WWE”, because the Beatles/Rolling Stones feud was actually built on real underlying resentment of two groups of guys who never fucking met each other.

Yes. The X-Factor circus now is like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Wow, this guy really is fantastic. Sorry, this dude. Or bro?

The Supremes were apparently the olden days version of the Cheeky Girls. And according to this crazy character, they had most of their success in the 70s, after Diana Ross left and while Florence Ballard spent most of the decade broke, on welfare, and dying.

The homey really has problems concentrating. If someone called him a tosser (which very likely happens on a daily basis), this knobend would probably say he got complimented.

Because he’s doing a strawman and he’s misquoting- again! The article didn’t say anything about The Supremes having “most of their success in the 70s” (in any case they netted 5 Top Tens between 1970-72 alone in the UK). The article said that The Supremes were a teenage hit in the 70s. Big deal. Shock horror. Pricko dude is having fits of rage for this revolting, horrific, radical statement.

Will Young has spent most of the past five years drifting between light jazz and torch songs. This makes him R&B according to Ladywood Boy.

Where does the article say Will Young’s doing R&B? He’s a pop act. The X-factor has overwhelmingly promoted pop, cheesy pop and R&B.

Bands like Velvet Underground (manufactured by a media mogul, had plenty of coverage in US mainstream news at the time as some kind of “next big thing”) and The Clash (prissy richboys playing cultural tourist dress-up, if Joe Strummer had been born 30 years later he’d have been Uffie) “gave the public what they didn’t even know they needed”.

Right, so Velvet Underground are another equivalent of the X-Factor and presumably Dom Perignon also sees Simon Cowell as Andy Warhol…? Given the haze this duuuuuude’s got in his “brain” it wouldn’t surprise me. In the slightest.

And then there’s the gem about The Clash. “Richboys”, he says… Joe Strummer’s dad had worked for the British consulate. Does that make ALL of them richboys? And even if it did? What’s your dad’s allowed maximum income if you wish to write a song with “leftist” lyrics? So basically, according to this NOBODY, Joe Strummer, a lyricist that inspired a generation, should have gone “I really wanna write about the situation in Nicaragua but i can’t cos my dad used to earn more than 15k?” Fuck off, will you “aggy”.

I don’t know man. I seriously don’t know. This shouldn’t get me so fucking aggy, being as it comes from a blog that also has a “MAYBE ROBIN COOK DIDN’T DIE NATURALLY BUT WAS ACTUALLY MURDERED” piece, but… why is this going on

Learn to quote properly, you idiot. It really isn’t difficult. “So fuckin aggy”, Man, you’re so urban, man. Cool, dude.

Why is it 2008 and there are still people out there who are so fucking stupid? That whole article comes across as one extended Youtube comment. Still, let’s sit back for a minute and enjoy a quick snapshot of the guy who wrote it:

Creep.

Who the fuck are you to put my photo up on different sites just like that? Do you realise how creepy that is? Obviously not. Because a psycho doesnt know his behaviour is that of a psycho.

 

He posted most of those comments three or four times as well, but there’s no need to give you those.  Claude Carpentieri: certainly a character.

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  1. Abby
    December 24, 2008 at 9:04 am

    Best. Post. Ever.

  2. Cashmore
    December 24, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I like to think that I reacted to my own new-rectum-tearing posts with slightly more decorum.

    Merry Christmas, Dom and Claude.

  3. Dom Passantino
    December 24, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Peter, you were a veritable graduate of hit VH1 show “Rock of Love: Charm School” compared to this crazy character.

  4. Cashmore
    December 24, 2008 at 10:47 am

    Who ARE you to put up someone else’s photo on this site, Dom? Who ARE YOU to DO THAT?You DID THAT! Who ARE you?

    He used “aggy” as a noun too. Sheesh. Kids nowadays.

  1. April 11, 2009 at 11:54 pm

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