Home > I'm just saying, I'm not saying > Memorial weekend on IchLugeBullets.com: #1 – The sexual availability of Christina Hendricks

Memorial weekend on IchLugeBullets.com: #1 – The sexual availability of Christina Hendricks

The first in a series of two posts over this pre-Christmas weekend paying tribute to two aspects of ILB culture that passed away in the previous seven days.

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Only a fool would deny that Christina Hendricks represents the American Dream distilled. Two-and-a-half years ago she was third fiddle in some piece of shit sci-fi show that nobody could ever possibly cared about, and was forced to attend conventions where she hung out with crazy characters like this:jca425_christina

 

and pulled “ecstatic to be here” facial expressions during autograph sessions for Dorito-stained shut-ins like this:

06-06-24-046christinaace

But now, she’s the official pin-up/chug material for IchLugeBullets.com (delete as appropriate to how classy you want to keep it), and the start of a TV show that has had the worst piece of writing this year focussed on it, in the London Review of Books. Good work all round.

But we don’t come here to praise Hendricks but to bury her, or at least bury the chances we have of ever splitting that. American comedy actor Geoffrey Arend has shoved put a ring on that, and at one level we have to give the man credit for that, being as my entire New Year’s resolution list for the 09 was just a pencil drawing of Hendricks. On the other hand… let me run you through Geoffrey Arend’s career.

1. Geoffrey Arend, who is of half-Pakistani descent, played the terrorist “Muhammad” in hit light-hearted racial comedy An American Carol

2. Geoffrey Arand is the associate producer and star of National Lampoon’s Pledge This!, which you may best remember as the movie Paris Hilton was sued for on account of not providing “reasonable promotion and publicity” for her role in the film. Let’s fill some space by C+Ping the final part of the movie’s synopsis from Wikipedia:

Gloria’s ex-best friend, Kristen desperate for wanting to get into Gamma Gamma convinces Gloria to come back. Gloria and her friends come back but only to declare war on Victoria by sneaking into the Gamma Gamma house and stealing embarrassing photos and video footage of Victoria to show to everyone at the Gamma Gamma victory party. She also reveals to Victoria that she and Derek love each other and before kissing say, “Pledge This!”. Victoria becomes embarrassed and eventually makes a public apology to the freshmen. The movie ends with a giant food fight at the Gamma Gamma party, and Victoria saying that she loved her cover of “FHM” so much she bought the magazine. Gloria becomes the president of Gamma Gamma the following year. And everyone is at peace.

 

Awesome

3. Geoffrey Arand was in that one movie where Johnny Knoxville pretended to be a retard (insert Grand Theft Parsons gag here), and delivered this all-time classic dialogue line

4. Geoffrey Arand is this man here

5. Finally, and possibly most fantastically of all, Geoffrey Arand provided the voice of Upchuck from Daria. You know, the dude with the bunged-up nose and the rapey tendencies who ended up copping off with the fat goth in the final episode. Him:

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The man who provided that voice is now fucking Christina Hendricks. May God have mercy on our souls.

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  1. July 6, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    Seriously, this may be the most worthless blog i have ever seen, thank you sir for wasting every bodies time to the point where i thought it was necessary to waste even more time to point out just how much of our time you wasted.

  2. Syndymion
    August 30, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    I agree. This is completely worthless. And also, the “Worthless sci-fi” show is called Firefly. Remember the fucking name, because it’s awesome and was severely undercredited, due to the fact that when they put it on TV everyone was at fucking work. The series was awesome. And Christina’s perfermance in it was awesome too.

  3. nrojb
    October 12, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    lol @ 2 comments above. apparently the is a high occurrence of people who google christina hendricks and also go to nerdy sci fi conventions. so much anger….. “remember the f-ing name” bc altho it’s still cancelled, i bought it on amazon last week!

    • Dom Passantino
      October 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm

      I’m cool with it to be honest, 1/3 of this blog’s hits come from masterbating Captain Save-A-Ho’s. Butthurt Firefly fans are eventually gonna keep me in Adsense dollars.

  4. aeg
    July 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Your facts are wrong, probably on purpose to upset readers. Which makes you absolute garbage.

  1. January 21, 2010 at 1:46 pm

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