Home > Feeling this > IchLugeBullets pays tribute to All Around The World

IchLugeBullets pays tribute to All Around The World

As we’ve gone over previously, no year-end lists at IchLugeBullets.com. That’s a promise. However, just to give you a little insight into what would have been there, it’s perhaps worth knowing that both me and professional Rocktimist blogger-lookalike Simon Reynolds share just one track in our top ten of the year: Blackout Crew’s “Put A Donk On It”.

I never loved dance music. Correction: I loved dance music, but not in the way I was “meant” to. What gets overlooked by Americans, Londoners, and those who at the age of 16 could afford to do better drugs than glue is that in your provincial towns, up until a few years ago, nightclubs existed not as a venue to “listen” to music in. They were the place you went to drink after bars had their then 11:00 kickout times. Rock clubs required dressing up to go to, R&B clubs seemed strangely disinclined towards letting pissed-up wankers in Matalan shirts roll in… so the dance clubs it was. You kept buying 2-for-1 Beck’s, they kept playing Rui Da Silva and Fragma. Great, great times.

And to me this is what dance music should be: crass, cheap, commercial, inane, and above all else danceable. The reason the dance press and the superclubs all died out in 2001 is because they falsely believed that any sane human being would rather listen to Fischerspooner than Ultrabeat.

Which is why “Put A Donk On It” works for me. It’s inane almost to the point of novelty tune, but it takes what’s usually a trope of hipster music (three distinct genres within one song), tears it our of the capital and plants it straight back down in Bolton, presumably pausing only to offer a local kid a fiver to “look after this while I go to the shops”. The video has a guy pulling a George Formby smile while rhyming in a cardigan. The rhyming is as awkward and gibberish-filled as the most Channel U of Channel U videos. But, again, this is what I want from dance. Drink Special Brew and listen to Happy Hardcore, imo.

So this post is a tribute to All Around The World, which is arguably the best record label on the planet right now in terms of a) understanding its audience and b) actually producing a surprisingly high ratio of “good songs” to “stuff that’ll sell in Stockport”.


T2 ft Jodie Aysha – Heartbroken

The acceptable critical face of All Around The World? Back from those halcyon days of late 2007 when you went through a six week period of actually trying to keep up with bassline, “Heartbroken” represented a brave departure for AATW releases, insofar as it was made by blacks. Says Micah Richards of his appearance in the video: “I’m not really into bassline, but it’s a catchy song. Me and T2 get together and play Pro Evo Soccer and talk about girls”. I smell sitcom… This track still sounds as great as it did a year ago, although it’s gonna suffer when it comes to the “bassline pop crossover” canon for not being anywhere near as porny as “What’s It Gonna Be?”


Scooter vs Status Quo –Jump That Rock (Whatever You Want)

Having spent most of the previous week either on lengthy work deadlines or vomiting for five hours on the bounce due to a fever, we’ve been unable to visit the gym recently and have thus been deprived of hearing this track over and over and over again. One thing that’s always been the problem with Scooter is trying to work out how much irony a good Scooter track entails: too much and they come across as smug, not enough and they just come across as an angry German man who looks like Dave Spikey shouting over a song from the 70s. When they hit it though (“The Logical Song”, “Nessaja”, “One”) they hit it. “Jump That Rock”… not too sure on. Although I once had a girlfriend whose number one sexual fantasy was the one played out in the opening few seconds of this video. She didn’t want Francis Rossi to enter in hers, though.

Steve Mac – Paddy’s Revenge

There is no possible defence for this on any level.

Special D – Come With Me

tobiassf (1 week ago)  0    Reply | Spam

Too slow imo. 3-5 bmp more would be nice. Special D is my god. Without him there would be a whole different hands up music today

yamiimax (1 week ago)  +1    Reply | Spam

there was a time i wanted his cd but now i hear other things but still nice

manager2r (2 weeks ago)   -1    Reply | Spam

This Song Is Totally Amazing Even Better! Then Akon And Those Pesky DJ’S And MC’S

Special D is undoubtedly the great stuff kids go for, particularly if those kids are the US rich kid trance faggotry crowd. But your man has a role to play in the UK as well, “Come With Me” always felt to these untrained ears like the point where trance and happy hardcore jacknifed into each other. In an ideal world this would be blaring out of an “EXTREME CLUBMANIA 97” advert with a Hixxy and Sharkey remix, but even in its bare bone, 3-5 BPM too slow, better-than-Akon form it’s a banger.


All Around The World novelty release round-up:

Frankee – F.U.R.B.

Uber-guido looking broad brings shame and disgrace upon Italian immigrant everywhere but still cops at #1 single. This was a big thing at the time, hard as it is to remember now.

Blue Lagoon – Break My Stride

One of the ten best 80s radio pop tunes covered by what sounds like a cod-reggae Corona.

Ricky Tomlinson – Are You Looking At Me

Former white pride political activisity turned apparently beloved “sitcom institution” does an ersatz Pogues number with Noddy Holder and that fat dude who always turns up in sitcoms

The Filthy Three – The Sweeney

Christmas party-friendly remix of 70s cop show theme sounding like Bus Stop 2K8 with a video featuring Frank Sidebottom as a pimp, and guest appearances from Mark E Smith, Alvin Stardust, Andy Rourke, and him what was in the Stone Roses and Primal Scream. No, me neither.

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