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Today’s recommended reading

the-nouvelle-librarian

Being as it’s around the tenth anniversary of the release of Grim Fandango and you can go out and download a torrent of it in under 30 minutes these days, I have no idea why you’d be spending your evenings pissing about reading blogs. However, we here at ILB like to cater to all parties, so here’s a few pieces of script that have been quite literally read by us over the past few days.

#1: Press release for “Last.fm presents…” gig

It should have finally dawned on all of you now that the people who run last.fm are all insufferable pricks, whose modus operandi is exactly the same kind of common-or-garden capitalism disguised as “OMIGOSH CUTE TWEE FUN FOR THE PEOPLE BY THE PEOPLE” that makes Innocent Smoothies so indefensible. And their attempts to promote their own shows/bands just makes it even worse. Last Christmas they decided that “Enough Is Enough” with The X-Factor winning taking the Xmas #1, and to show how awful the X-Factor was last.fm held a massive vote, on their website, to decide which band was going to get a large-scale push from last.fm, who are owned by the US14bn a year turnover CBS Corporation. It’s nice to see the little man stood up for now and then. Anyway, the band last.fm chose were Lucky Soul, who couldn’t have a chart hit if they gave out free copies of the Leona Lewis album with every CD bought.

Anyway, here’s a line from the press release for a gig last.fm are putting on tomorrow:

check out the band being hotly tipped as”The new Manics, turned up to 11″

Firstly, I grew up in the late 90s, my generation had 714 “new Manics”, ranging from Placebo to fucking King Adora. Secondly: no, just no. Thirdly, a quick google reveals that sentence has never been used outside of this press release, possibly meaning that the band in question (Holy Ghost Revival) have been hotly tipped by last.fm’s sandwich delivery guy or, more likely considering the sentence, a fat girl.

2. “How To Win At Scrabble” by Andrew Fisher

Presented without comment, here are two complete sentences from said book:

We would like you to imagine a large naked man in the middle of a disco standing in a pond.

Imagine 10CC pushing a bunch of monks precariously perched on a pram along some railway tracks.

These are the only things you need to read today.

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  1. Maria Smedstad
    November 21, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    Is there a disco in the pond or is the pond in the middle of the disco? The ambiguity is hurting me.

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