I-Spy guide to Stacie Orrico’s mastery of disguises
I think it’s, like, Eid or Yom Kippur or some bullshit today, so one love to you if that’s your particular religion, but some of us were raised Catlick and we like to shout out our faith’s most beloved proponents. No, not The Hold Steady or Belgian tax-dodging lesbian suicide pact favourite The Singing Nun. No, here we pay tribute to Ms Stacie Orrico.
Stacie Joy Orrico, born March 3 1986, is a Grammy award-nominated singer-songwriter. Although she didn’t write any of the lyrics to her breakthrough singer “Stuck” (which was written by some dude who later went on to write the last Bif Naked album), and the track we’re concerned with, “(There’s Gotta Be) More To Life”, was written by the husband Kim Kardashian had before she become famous/started sucking dick on camera.
Orrico came from surprisingly active Christian Contemporary Music scene of the early 2000s and her debut album managed six Christian top 20 singles and, even more impressively, a spot on “WOW #1s: 31 Of The Greatest Christian Music Hits Ever”, alongside Jars Of Clay, Sixpence None The Richer, Amy Grant, and absolutely nobody else you will ever have heard of ever.
Upon the release of her second album, the self-titled “Stacie Orrico”… I dunno. She managed alchemy. Twice. I have no doubt that pretty much anything else from her debut album, her S/T, or her unreleased third album (the single from which, “I’m Not Missing You”, came in “guitar” and “no-guitar” versions so uncertain were the label of how to market it) is any good. These two songs, though…
“Stuck” was straight-up secular, an R&B tune that seemed two or three years too later (a lot more She’kspere than anyone was getting into the charts with then), but it had enough jittery stop-start energy to make you wonder if Aaliyah would still be alive if she’d had gone the Radio Disney route.
“(There’s Gotta Be) More To Life”, on the other hand, is a Christian tune. And not a Christian tune in the Evanescence “Write a song about Jesus, have a hit with it, then pretend you were heathen Goths all along” style. It’s a pure piece of “drugs bad, Jesus good, stay in school kids” music. I, without irony, love it, despite its weak-minded Americanness. And to save writing about the song itself, we’re gonna talk about the video here. ILB is proud to present your guide to the (blank) different personae Stacie takes on in this video. Cut it out and keep.
Trailer Trash Stacie
Not really feeling the hair, it’s the kind of dye job that socially awkward girls get at uni the weekend after they popped their first pill so they can be all “Hell yeah I’m rebelling now, I bet those stuck up blonde bitches I went to high school with would be shocked to see me now.” Also not working with this look are those Pat Butcher earrings. Bonus points gained for the fact that Stacie’s hubby in this clip appears to not be the one response for those pudge genes infecting his baby, and instead looks a little like a numbers man who, in a needless car shot, still advocates hitting them corners in the lo-los girl.
The girl’s clearly a big advocate of the Natalie Wood “just rub your face in powdered nutmeg, nobody will know you’re not really Mexican” school of thinking. Weird to see that, despite her heritage, she doesn’t dress up as a comedy Italian stereotype over the course of this video, but I suppose when you get down to it Italians are little more than the Hispanics you can take home to your grandparents. Really not sure what the dead black guy from Dave Matthews Band is doing playing guitar there, but I’m sure he’s having a laugh.
The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice that this is the outfit in the video where Stacie’s not wearing any make-up or a wig, perhaps indicating that this is the “real” Stacie. Who is best depicted by a mediocre marathon runner that stops dead in the middle of the race while none of the other runners appear to be breaking a sweat. Maybe the implication was that she “struggling to keep up” with other CCM artists? Like Avril Lavigne and Katy Perry before they shoved a fistful of cash up their assholes, remember. Sadly the video doesn’t feature any reference to Paula Radcliffe shitting herself.
Photo shoot Stacie
Looking to all the world like some kind of J-Pop casualty circa 2004. It’s worth checking out the video closely because Orrico demonstrates the lowest amount of grace I’ve ever seen in a woman, and I once fucked a dyspraxic (top tip: don’t suggest reverse cowgirl to a woman who has no concept of distance, you’ll end up like you’ve just blapped Emanual Pogatetz). But seriously, check out those arm-waving moments, Tyra would throw a fucking fit over that, not to mention that gay midget with the weird-ass dye job she rolls with.
Dear Catastrophe Stacie
A masterstroke of contrast putting the curly-haired “natural” make-up look after the Revlon catastrophre of the previous style. Not much to say here other than a) waitresses in videos wouldn’t make for a very interesting blog post (that one David Guetta did, that’s about it) and b) did the kid in this video grow-up to be ECW midcarder Jack Swagger? They do have the same face.
Working Girl Stacie
Now this look, this look I’d hit. Porn movie secretary glasses, Harry Hill collar tucked in, lipstick the colour of raspberry coulis, and some of the severest eyebrow raises you’ll ever see in your life. I’m not too sure of Stacie’s real life business acumen, but I do know that after her third album was cancelled she went and worked in a fish restaurant for a while. Whether this was in an investment capacity, or whether she shucked whelks for a living, I don’t know.
Gimme The Loot Stacie
Not racist at all. What is she this time round? A stick-up kid. How do we illustrate this? We have her hang out with a load of black dudes, shoot it in the filter that makes her skin look as brown as possible, and put her hair in braids. I’m not too sure what the CCM viewpoint is on pointing guns at supermarket owners’ heads is, but maybe they spent the money on a Padre Pio statue or something. Not a total waste.
Black helicopters Stacie
Yeah, I could never do that mission on GTA: Vice City either.