Home > Keepin’ It Nonpositive > In celebration of: angry young man Joe Mofrad

In celebration of: angry young man Joe Mofrad

ILB has always been one to shout out exciting new talent, be it toilet circuit-touring indie act, eight-bars-on-a-100-CD-run mixtape rapper, or Wigan Athletic striker Amr Zaki. So let us give some credit to certainly my favourite 20-year-old in the world right now, Joe Mofrad.Joe first came to my attention around the arse-end of last week, when I received two reasoned and considered comments on a previous article we’d written about how anyone involved with either Clash Magazine or the funneling of large amounts of taxpayers’ money into Clash Magazine is a fucking idiot.

Let us get all embedded images up in here and see what they said:

You see, this is why I like Joe. He starts off impetuous, angry, more Pesci than Mofrad. Being as he’s a man who’s on the grind for Clash Magazine, he wants to defend his publication’s honour. But then, realising that this makes him come across a little hasty and reflects badly on the publication he writes for, he cleverly posts a second message, still using a little play on words incorporating the term “drown”, and posts as Robin, cleverly using a fake email address and website to come from. He doesn’t care that he used pretty much an identical message, that less than a minute passed between the two comments, or that they come from EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING IP ADDRESS. Joe clearly takes inspiration from Dana Carvey’s classic movie The Master of Disguise, and he knows that nobody can trace those steps. He’s gotten away scot free.

Unfortunately, some of us are elite uber-hackers with access to exciting tools like Google. Indeed, t’were it not for the fact that I have actually touched a breast at some point in my life I could easily be hanging and banging with Anonymous right now. I think it important that we get to know a little about Joe Mofrad, because in my honest opinion this kid is going places.

First off, ladies love cool Joe. The man is from Newcastle and has clearly been taking some lessons from Tyneside’s other silver-tongued charmer Sid the Sexist. Check out the game he’s running on Faceparty:

He gets hella retro points for using Faceparty in the first place, but those lines push him into the top sphere. Weirdly, for such a player who has apparently been using Faceparty for three years and logged in within the past month or so, he sadly only has one friend on the site. “lil_angelgirl” is her name, and let’s have a good look at her:

Interestingly, lil_angelgirl is down as being 16 and doesn’t list her hometown in America. Being as, presumably, Joe added her to his Faceparty out of a desire to tap that ass rather than discuss Ladyhawke, and that sex with a 16-year-old is illegal in 19 states, this means there is a 38% chance that he’s a paedophile.

Let’s have another look at our boy:

I used to have a shirt like that. When I was four in 1986.

Sadly, JoJo’s Bebo account doesn’t reveal too much excitement, although he’s not a fan of “fucking queers”, which considering the way he dre… you’re way ahead of me. He does consider the Mighty Boosh heroes, which considering he’s not a fan of fucking que… again, you’re ahead of me.

But Joey’s a journo. He lives and dies by his written words, or at least the ones that aren’t about “fucking queers”. Here’s our boy on the new Mogawai (ask your grandparents) EP:

Play the title track opener as loud as you can! Its one of those songs you imagine seeing in an epic zombie film, as an aerial camera pans over the streets and you watch an army of newly converted flesh eaters wander the streets eating cats and… stuff. It oozes massive electronic and metal influences that power out through disgustingly heavy riffs! 

10/10 here easily, from the “lol random” zombies reference, the improv night open mic “and stuff”, influences being from niche, easily identifiable genres like “metal” and “electronic”, and to end it all an exclamation mark. Fantastic. Although Joe’s highpoint contribution to Clash so far has to be this awesome “music game” posted to their forums. Any Scots who happen to be reading this post will no doubt be struck by the injustice of how little of their paycheck goes to directly funding this, and will probably want to set up a CHAPS payment of 3k a month directly to Clash’s office immediately.

I have no idea where Joe’s hate comes from though. The man used to be on DrownedInSound’s side. Look at “Chopper Shadowpants”‘s contributions here on some article about some guy from Maximo Park (ask your ex-girlfriend). If you love the narcissism of small differences that exists between people from Sunderland and Newcastle, white guys using the phrase “pon”, or comedy “this sounds like band x doing action y to band z” style madlibs, then you’ll go mad for it. Hey, over the course of today, we’ve all gone mad over Joe Mofrad. He’s my friend, and he’s certainly yours. And how better can we end than with a live action video of his flaccid cock running through university halls?

Breaking kayfabe for a second, seriously, fucking kids need to realise that FUTURE EMPLOYERS WILL PUT YOUR FUCKING NAME INTO A SEARCH ENGINE YOU TARDS STOP POSTING PICTURES OF YOUR SAGGY ARSE ONTO THE INTERNET UNDER YOUR OWN NAME.

Still, weirdly enough former Drowned In Sound editor Mike Diver has just joined Clash Magazine in some capacity or other. I do hope Joe will man the fuck up and let the real Mike D know that he considers his entire career arc to day “pathetic”. Joe Mofrad: a true renaissance man.

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  1. September 28, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    oof, not so much ‘character assassination’ as ‘character slowly beheaded on al qaeda video…ion’

  2. September 28, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    Oh god you’re so funny Biche, so fuckin’ funny and so generally right and brilliant….

    Dom’s not bad either

  3. Joe
    October 18, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    Right, well I’m not going to attack this. I really cant be bothered to fish anything up (probably couldnt, im not an “elite uber-hacker”). I’ve spent all day on phone to faceparty and msn robotic response team.

    So I’m just going to reason.

    I can handle people hating me. Thats fine, but the faceparty bit was on the slightly slanderous side. If anyone would like more evidence why that bit pissed me off the most. I can offer an emailed apology from faceparty. An IP address used to register it, which is not mine. Dom, im sure you know mine by now. Every photo used was from my bebo which was not set to private. And all of the comments made under the profile were the exact same comment made on a strict rota of every 15 days to randomly picked profiles, of which i have dates with me, thanks to the gloriously apologetic staff at FP. Either this was a stunt by a friend, ergo i suppose my only fault for holding bad company or… a bot. The profile was even made up of exact copy paste quotes from my bebo! Im not pointing fingers, its gone now.

    Secondly my homophobia. The use of my ‘quote’ in which i declared “Fucking queers”. I mean steady on. That was supposed to be a generic homophobic response in a poll that also had 4 other possible responses in a non-homophobic manner. Im not homophobic.

    For the Barack Obama poll about whether people were outraged at the cries about him from McCain followers screaming ‘Terrorist’ and ‘Kill him’. Should that American magazine have been slandered for putting Yes and No as an option?

    Streaking video – Im not going to defend or complain. My flaccid cock never enters shot and it is not a university campus.

    As for musical writings. Am young, gimme a break. Is this some sort of inbred cynicism that anyone who attempts to do something and struggles at first should be berated upon blogs like wordpress?

    “Scottish music criticism talent” Im not Scottish. And you know that.

    And finally, that whole reason this all started.

    Dom writes an article criticising the handover of money to Clash Magazine.

    A) I wrote the comment signed by myself

    B) I didn’t write the comment signed by Robin. Contrary to popular belief that was a boy called Robin. If you looked in a Clash Magazine (no doubt i will encounter a dig here about why you wouldnt buy one) you will find that exact person. And i didnt think a slight parody of the Drowned in Sound website name was overly aggressive? Compared to the article it succeeded.

    And i apologise for noticing an error on DiS regarding the hometown of a band. Will never do it again.

    Im not trying to spark a massive argument here. I don’t want one.

    But it would of been pretty lame to of said nothing at all.

  4. kristian
    October 19, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    So you hate joe mofrad with a passion, yet you rampantly stalk him and watch nude videos of him?

    To me this indicates a rampant undercurrent of sexual tension between the two of you, something reminiscent of an angry ancient Greek tutor and his sexy ‘new romantic’ whipping boy, no pun intended. Lets just keep the bdsm to a minimum, after all kids can google search too.

  5. Joe
    October 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Before you retaliate to that i want to make it known i have no alliance or correspondence with that comment.

    Not me.

    Check it.

  6. October 19, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    Still as bitter and creepy as ever, I see, Dom.

    EDITOR’S NOTE “Azra” of green.felt.tip@googlemail.com is a girl I used to fuck w/ about three years ago. However, being as she moved to Cologne a year or so back, it’s nice to see that she kept a London IP address to post her messages from. Nice try. Seriously, this isn’t a LiveJournal, less of this sort of thing.

  7. endorphin
    February 27, 2010 at 3:14 am

    ur seriously fucked up. whatever, no offence meant in case you go all paedophile on me. im not 18, dno where u got that shit from. just disagreeing. you are a fucked up bitter person, your life is evidently so boring as that you need to do shit like that to people. all people ever do is disagree with you and this is the treatment they get, nice one for being the least credible blog on the web. oh and by the way, was one of my friends commenting along with me, not gunna tell you his name as obv google is a tool to be abused by yourself. i might be young but that doesn’t mean you are automatically better than me. leave joe mofrad and leave me, im under 18 and i enjoy listening to hip-hop, and other genres too unsurprisingly, whatever Vice mag bullshit you’re trying to pull off, you ain’t got it, your elitism is cringeworthy and your assumptive comments plain stupid. take off any content about or referring to me now; its just plain slander, and an invasion in privacy.

  1. October 13, 2008 at 7:06 pm

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