Home > I'm just saying, I'm not saying > Ten reasons that everyone loves Mark Ronson as both a recording artiste and a human being

Ten reasons that everyone loves Mark Ronson as both a recording artiste and a human being

1. Mark’s an award-winner! Obviously, he’s won all of our hearts with his charming personality and fantastic music, but he’s also the winner of GQ Magazine’s 2008 “Alfred Dunhill Award”. You want to know why he’s won that award? Because he’s a “gentleman of independent or non-conformist words and actions”. You know what that makes him? A motherfucking MAVERICK.

2. Although his Westboro Baptist Church recruitment advert of a sister has clearly got the whiney Myspace bitch game on lock, Marco reps his set as well. After a review in the NME (ask your parents) called a Glastonbury set by the nauseatingly oil sub-lounge twat “nauseatingly oily and sub-lounge”, our hero posted a Myspace blog entitled “NME IS FULL OF SH*T..WHAT ELSE IS NEW”, adding that “if only I read the mag, I might know what it said….oh well”. I’d like to point out here Ronson went to a school that costs $31,000 a year, and yet he still writes like he’s just come off the fucking boat. Throwing away all the advantages your privileged background has offered you whilst simultaneously coming across as a tool who can’t take criticism? MAVERICK.

3. Despite being pastier than Head and Shoulders, Ronson provided the beat for the Nas track “Fried Chicken”, wherein QB’s former finest lets us know that he enjoys eating fried chicken “cuz that’s what niggaz do”. Nasir’s fantastically cack-handed concept of race and racism over the past year or so has provided no end of chuckles at this end, but this tops even “dropping his provocative album title name in case it cost him sales”. Race-baiting from a blue-eyed evil? A sure sign of the MAVERICK.

4. He DJ’d at a polo event. Specifically Cartier International’s “Rock the Polo”, which doesn’t actually work as either a description or a pun. Here’s the flyer for the event:

Words fail me, although the good news is that helicopter parking was available for the event, and hopefully some of them crashed into a local forest soon afterwards.

The Facebook page for this event contains the following message:

Somebody there, who is alone to go to the afterparty? I can pick u up with a friend.

An offer, to this writer’s mind, you’d be a fool to pass up on. The writer’s name is Olivier Michel Sheer, and for those of you who are going “Ah man, that event has passed now and I’m never gonna get raped picked-up by Olly now”, thankfully the man is in London and has posted his mobile phone number on Gumtree.  Helping a creepy Luxembourger get his fuck on?  As they say back in Differdange , NONCONFORMISTE!

5. In 1999, Ronson beat a prostitute to death with a claw hammer.

6. It’s Mark’s birthday tomorrow, and according to a desperate attempt to fill this list via Google News, his party invite has the dress code that all guests should come dressed as “celebrities from their favourite album covers”. Make your own “Blind Faith”/”Appetite for Destruction”/whatever that fucking Bow Wow Wow album was called gag here. All I’m saying is the being thirty-fucking-three and still insisting on some sub-freshman pub crawl dress code for your shindig to me screams MAVERICK.

7. Via his Allido imprint, Ronson was the first record label boss to fail to put out a Saigon album, letting the wait-was-it-him-or-Papoose-who-did-that-alphabet-track? spend nearly a year on his label before just letting him go. Setting trends in the rap game that subsequent labels have been only to happy to follow? MAVERICK!

8. Those, of course utterly unfounded, rumours that Ronson got his major break in hip-hop as a sop to his step-father (Foreigner’s Mick Jones) from MOP for letting them sample “Cold As Ice” back in the day. This is an utterly fake rumour and not true, for what it’s worth. However, if you ask me, bearing to hear the truth spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools makes you a MAVERICK.

9. Ronson proposed to his then-girlfriend, “Quincy’s Daughter” Rashida Jones in 2003 by, and I quote, “creating a crossword puzzle with the answer “Will you marry me?”. The first question is “What sort of crossword contains a two-worded answer like “me”?”, and the only thing we can assume is that, when it comes to the art of crossword setting, the Fortnum and Mason Adam F is not a strict Ximenian. Therefore, disobeying the rules of the cryptic crossword’s finest master makes him a MAVERICK.

10. Between 0:47 and 0:49 of his 2003 single “Ooh Wee”, which is why, no matter how much of a whiney, self-parodical , dancing boy to the kuffiyeh-clad, Stereogum RSS feed toting crowd, I can never bring myself to hate Ghostface fully. Word to Henry Hill: your zingers come with smiles, they come as your friends. They come with big fuck-off golden Jesus pieces as well. Being ever-so-subtly slighted by a man who will go on to propose locking up all prostitutes as criminals and banning abortion is truly the work of a MAVERICK

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