In Celebration Of: Corny Eurorap tracks that sample 1930s shit
So as this blog slowly splutters into life (I’m not dumb enough to promo it before I actually can prove it ain’t gonna die on its ass after 10 days and six posts full of rape/Chris Benoit gags), it comes to mind that the only real way to get readers these days is to just give shit away. In that vein, we at ichlugebullets.com hereby present a brief potted history of Europop songs that base themselves around jazz era flapper samples. All of these songs come with the ILB seal of approval.
May as well start by giving you a song you’ve already heard before and keep on your “ironic 90s jams” mix CD between OMC and Fastball. Lucas’s Wikipedia entry claims that his father is the founder of Pottery Barn which, if true, would partially alleviate the hatred I feel for him for helping Michael Gondry’s career take off by having the Be Wind Rewind irritant direct the video for this. Bleh, how can you hate on “Lucas With The Lid Off”, bullshit reggae pop was the lifeblood of my generation, and that descending piano in the middle-eight has to be up there with the intro to “Hold the Line” when it comes to pianolines that I fuck with.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was bollocks as well.
J-Five ft Charlie Chaplin – Modern Times
Although, technically, J-Five isn’t a Eurorapper, having been born in Hollywood (attending the same school as Scott Baio, Dr Philip Zimbardo, and Adam Carolla: second-generation Italians doing it big, much love), he’s here because a) precisely nobody in America has ever heard of him ever and b) back in 2004, he was more popular in central Europe than a nice game of boules.
A #1 smash in winter 04 in France, and troubling the top of the charts in Belgium, Italy, and Greece, J-Five is pretty much what you’d expect a rap song that sells only in Europe, that’s about Charlie Chaplin, and by a man who counts Quannum as his main influences, to sound like. Imagine that: being too much of a cornball for even Lyrics Born to want to record with you. Ouch.
Anyway, it’s a decent enough tune, plus it repeatedly gives you the visceral thrill of anticipation you get whenever a rapper ends the previous line in the syllables “ig-ger”.
Article 31 of the Planning (Northern Ireland) Order 1991 enables the Department to deal with major planning applications under special procedures where they consider that the development for which the permission or approval is sought would, if permitted, involve a substantial departure from the development plan for the area to which it relates.
Article 31 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice states that no person subject to this chapter may compel any person to incriminate himself or to answer any questions the answer to which may tend to incriminate him.
Article 31 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that parties recognize the right of the child to rest and leisure, to engage in play and recreational activities appropriate to the age of the child and to participate freely in cultural life and the arts.
Article 31 of the 1951 Status of Refugees Convention states that states shall not impose penalties on account of their illegal entry or presence, on refugees who, coming directly from a territory where their life or freedom was threatened in the sense of Article 1, enter or are present in their territory without authorization, provided they present themselves without delay to the authorities and show good cause for their illegal entry or presence
Articolo 31 are an Italian rap group who, like the majority of their hip-hop countrymen, seem to be trapped in the belief that rap reached its pinnacle with the release of “VIP” by the Jungle Brothers. Fucking sweet song that’s sampled on the hook here, though (“Mamma Mi Ci Vuole La Fidanzata” by Natalino Otto. Drop that next time you’re DJing for a bunch of loathsome neo-burlesque douchebags).
SPECIAL BONUS TRACK: The Anomalies – Howz That
UK hip-hop rather than Eurorap, but worthy of bonus inclusion being as the two male MCs on this track sound a lot like the guys “rappin’ for Jesus” in Northampton town centre every Saturday. Maybe they should try “spitting low down and dirty on a beat made in the 30s”, rather than over Bashy instrumentals, then maybe they’d get some converts.