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New Writer Monday on IchLugeBullets.com

Part of our ongoing mission to bring you the best new writers out on the internet, writing on a range of topics that they feel passionate about. Today, “Julianne”, who posted this comment on one of your favourite ILB classics from back in the day:

Stumbled upon this blog when googling Hoby, whose writing I admittedly feel leaves something to be desired. Then I followed your link to the post she called you about, and as soon as I got to your line about her hymen breaking “while” you were drinking beer and listening to mediocre early 2000s eurodance (Supermen Lovers didn’t change the world, you fool–besides, that pocket of EDM has nothing on the production chops of the Stuart Prices and Ester Deans of today), I immediately stopped. That, and a quick glance over the choice language you use in ‘crafting’ most of your ‘blog posts,’ was more than enough to let me know that you are a raging sexist meathead. You are not “clowning” her, Dom Passantino–clowns possess more levity and wit than you have in your left thumb. You are dehumanising her on the basis of age and gender, and hate her personally because she works for a journal you were once fired from (good choice, Guardian!).

 

Yes, a young music writer on the Internet is regrettably not doing enough listening in her field, and is thus avowing her ‘millenial’ greenness in a publication that is usually known for slightly better journalism. I have no clue why she interviewed some guy from Top Gear for a piece on the Strokes, but <b>worse mediafolk are getting paid mountains more money to do worse things in this world.</b> And yet you’ve managed to write up this much vitriol over the former’s drop-in-the-proverbial-bucket of pop landscaping, why? Oh, because she must be a goddamn prude who can’t listen to music properly what with all those bloody menstrual cramps she has. God, women! Am I right, guys?? I mean, <i>everyone</i> <b>knows</b> you aren’t a Legitimate Woman unless a Real Man breaks your hymen for you!! I mean, it’s <i>totally</i> scientifically correlated to the quality of a girl’s hearing and interpretive abilities, right bros?? Right guys??

 

<b>Wrong.</b>

 

A glance at your Twitter tells me you fancy yourself quite the champion of the working class. This seems to come through in your assumption that H.H. took riding lessons as a kid, which connotes privilege to you. The socioeconomically marginalized of the world didn’t ask a hateful individual like yourself to speak for them as a whole. Many of them ride horses, too! Maybe you never did–I haven’t either, and I do come from relative class privilege–but guess what: nobody cares, and horse-riding is irrelevant to a discussion about music journalism today.

 

Had you written these things about me, I would <i>not</i> have given you the privilege of hearing my melodious speaking voice over the phone–after all, you’re clearly so fixated on the visceral trappings of my gender and what people of my gender may have been doing during puberty, I’d have been afraid of you tracking my location &amp; sexually harassing me further. No wonder her boyfriend’s mother was concerned!

 

The only reason why I am giving you <i>my</i> time of day is because THIS IS THE FOURTH RESULT THAT COMES UP ON GOOGLE WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR HER NAME. THAT IS <B>DISGUSTING</B>, defamatory, and what the fuck, denizens of the internet?! Why are you helping this guy up the yellow brick road of Google algorithms?! Why has over a year passed since its posting, no one has contested his claims on-site, nor has anyone challenged some of the comments in this thread, and it is <i>still #4 on the results list for her name?!</i>

 

So she “sass mouthed you out” at the oh-so-wee hour of 10 PM, when poor little you was busy drinking your self-hatred (though clearly you don’t drink enough, or else the world would be spared your motor skills)? <i>Your</i> “sass mouthing” has been triggering, infuriating, and likely damaging to her psyche, and to those of many others like her. <b>You are literally an ugly stain under her name</b> (which is definitely catchier, visually appealing, and more fun to say than yours)<b> on the biggest search engine on the planet.</b> I hope you rot.

 

Hermione Hoby, if you ever read this (though I kind of hope you don’t, because that would only mean giving this page more hits and feeding the troll like I am): I am so fucking sorry that Google has dealt you this shitstain of a person’s remarks with its unfeeling, card-counting cyberfingers. I may not agree with all that you write, but I stand in solidarity with you against this gross attack. He also insults me, and people of <i>all</i> genders, by dismissing our skills and value as creatives (as people!) based on how convenient he deems the years in which we developed sexually.

 

Sometimes, people like you, Passantino, make me want to sell us all out to the Daleks; just so I could be sure that, even if they disposed of me first, at least you &amp; everyone who acts upon beliefs like yours would be exterminated soon after. I know I could trust the Daleks to do so with even less tolerance for dignity and personhood than you have shown your fellow human beings. And then they’d just put the rest of us out of our misery.

 

In fact, you know what? Have a taste of your own SEO medicine (gee golly gosh, I sure hope this is still the name on your resume!!):

 

<b>DOM PASSANTINO IS A FAILED WRITER

DOM PASSANTINO IS A SEXIST PIG

DOM PASSANTINO WAS FIRED FROM THE GUARDIAN FOR SUCKING ROYALLY

DOM PASSANTINO THINKS ABOUT LITTLE GIRLS’ VAGINAS ALL DAY

DOM PASSANTINO IS A PEDOBEAR

DOM PASSANTINO IS AN E-STALKER

DOM PASSANTINO IS A BRONY

DOM PASSANTINO SAYS HE HATES RIDING HORSES BUT HE REALLY, REALLY LIKES THEM (I MEAN <I>REALLY</i> LIKES THEM)

NEVER HIRE DOM PASSANTINO.</B>

 

I feel somewhat purged now.

ILB comments: You know, if I had a Florida IP address, this week probably isn’t the one I’d be using to start randomly accusing men of African descent of being intimidating, scary and threatening to women. Just saying, like.

  1. March 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm
  2. March 28, 2012 at 11:54 am

    wow. never known anyone get that mad about the google rankings of someone they never met. She sounds like a bit of mental. And kind of a dick. And is quite possibly Hoby herself.
    I fucking hate the term “EDM” though.

  3. Samuel
    March 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    oh she man she’s going to rat everyone out to the Daleks because of you. Not sure if a shit undie rap group is gonna care, mind.

  4. Steve Cheney
    July 1, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    The fuck’s a “brony”?

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