LCD Soundsystem Facebook page attacked by unchill Hamas bros

See? ILB can fill that hole in your life that Alt Report left.

Call me old-fashioned, but…

(click here for boobs)

I’d find it a struggle to maintain an erection while the background plays rap tracks based around a) the chorus of “Left of Centre” by Suzanne Vega b) the yodelling bits from “Hocus Pocus” by Focus. Should soundtrackers for WSHH wankvids up their game? Am I just “behind the times” in expecting this stuff to be accompanied by either smooth saxophones or “Salt Shaker”? Will this video cause people to have a Pavlovian sexual reaction to the bit in the Nike World Cup video where Landon Donovan pulls a weird face at the camera? Is “Tammy” a really bad name for a camwhore? Answers in the comment box please.

Playboy Tre ft Joell Ortiz – Work

Exciting new look for Ich Luge Bullets, same old rote praise of MP3s from maybe six different rappers and four different indie bands. We were pretty high on the Slaughterhouse albums when it dropped for reasons we can’t really remember… although it did lead us to write this piece of high-end content, I’m not really 100% sure what it brought to the table that I couldn’t have received from, say, listening to the second Arsonists album. When they fired all the black members (subs, please check that’s right).

Half Man Half Biscuit on Marc Riley, 2010

2010 has promised us a lot of things that it hasn’t delivered on – a play-off push from Northampton Town, dead pool points from Al-Megrahi’s death, hit blog IchLugeBullets capitalising on its early popularity and ascending to the next level – but if Probe Plus’s rumours of a new Half Man Half Biscuit album dropping in the next few months are true, we’ll forgive the shitheap the past three seasons has consisted of.

As of 2pm, August 24 2010, “29 Settembre” by Lucio Battisti is the best song ever

Not even gonna write shit about this one, just listen. Yeah, I know, “get a Tumblr”. Fuck you.

Celph Titled – Step Correctly (produced by Buckwild)

Stanning for Celph Titled feels like a pretty lonely path to take for a rap blogger these days, not even the Euroblog cats are dedicated that much space to this track. Fuck it though, Celph Titled is ILB’s favourite rapper because, basically, rap music should consist of little other than wordplay related to the punching of women in the face and shooting people.

Shout out Painter Flame, ILB’s hottest new commenter

Again, sorry we’ve been slack with the content recently, but we’ve finally made the move to paid material instead. However, we’ve got a great new commenter on ILB who’ll be providing you with everything you need to think about over the next few weeks while we bring back the ILB operations. His/her name is “F” or “painter.flame”, they’ve got a London IP address, and they’ve totally put my name in a search engine and found some five year-old photographs. Well that’s my career over and done with, catch you later.

On “Mack The Knife”

What have I been doing for the past week and a half? Mainly humming clicking my fingers and idly singing lines of “Mack the Knife” out of context, possibly provoked by this blog post. So let us take a few hundred words to discuss said song, in lieu of any real content for this sadly dying blog.

On the ones and twos, on the ones and twos

If I turned this blog into just a collection of photos of obese Pitchfork hack Matthew Perpetua, and then me laughing at photos of obese Pitchfork hack Matthew Perpetua, would there be any objection from my, rapidly dwindling, fanbase?

I want this song playing every time I walk into a room from this point on

I think people have done the Rat Pack/rapper analogies before, but moreso in terms of personality, force of charisma over content and desires to be a triple-threat in entertainment, rather than the actual logistics of fandom. So let me say that what appreciating 1950s crooners has most in common with being an, idk, Gucci stan in 2010 is the sheer volume of material that’s available, with nobody ever really bothering to ink “yes” or “no” in the margins to let you know where to start. I mean, Dean Martin has been a figure in my musical life ever since the nurse slapped me, and 27 years later I here this track for the first time?