Yeah, Yelawolf isn’t that bad I suppose
Yeah, I know this is the point where I’m supposed to be all cute and go “late pass you guys”, but fuck that we’ve been on the grind recently. And we also managed to fit in some time to listen to the pop hits of 2009 as well, so we wouldn’t feel like the past 12 months were a final confirmation that our life as a productive contributor to popular culture was over.
Wanna know what we think about 09 Pop? “You Belong To Me” is good, but someone should tell ol’ tinytits that “She wears short skirts/I wear t-shirts” isn’t a very good lyric as those two items of clothing aren’t mutually exclusive. Like, you wear one below the waist and one above it. How fucked up was this girl’s home schooling?
Also, we’re gonna come out and say it: we like “Down” by Jay Sean. For people of a certain age (specifically mine), it’s still hard to come to terms with the fact that the Black Eyed Peas have been the dominant force in pop music for the past five years, because we remember their time as the fourth most chart-friendly backpack rap act of the late 90s, when pop success for them meant “selling 500 more copies of a single than Dilated Peoples).
And now Jay Sean goes and has a fucking #1 single in America? We remember him turning up in brief Desi R&B explosion of (2004? 2005? whenever it was) and not being as good as Raghav (“So Confused” still goes hard, although probably more for the hook than the instrumental, which sounds like someone farting a Sean Paul track at double-speed). And then he vanished and that was that. I’m supposed to accept him as a “star” now?
“Down” is a good, nearly great song, diminished by Lil Wayne’s verse (it’s getting to the point where Weezy would probably drag a fucking Justin Bieber joint down a notch if he jumped on it). It would be better if covered by, say, Spandau Ballet though.
The fuck is up with the image change though? Spiky, Sonic the Hedgehog-esque hair on a British Asian is one of the UK’s true design classics, up there with Penguin covers and the packaging at Chicken Cottage. And now? Dude has bulked up in a strangely abnormal way, he’s clearly been taking his vitamins and saying his prayers. Does that latter still work if your prayers are to Vishnu? Someone leave Hogan a Twitter message and ask him that. But yeah, strangely developed abs, combined with that grunt shaved head ,make him look like the doorman at a student bar. NAGL.
Anyway, Yelawolf also looks like a fucking dick, like the only reason he’s in rap is because all of those “X Like A Rockstar” joints that polluted rap in late 07 still had some extras left over from a video and resultantly needed to use his Gallows-lookin’ ass up or else he’d go rotten. But, waddya know, “Trunk Muzik” is the first legit dope hip-hop release of 2010, and makes me wistfully nostalgic for the days when me and my boys would just drive around the outskirts of Northamptonshire looking for a spot to drink Grolsch and throw empty cans into fields. Stony Stratford, you served us well. Our favourite joint on there is the Juelz “Mixin’ Up The Medicine (Remix)”, mainly because my cousin back in the old country has just been posting Bob Dylan Youtubes non-stop to his Facebook feed for the past week, and a) I worry that he’s going to learn English from them and b) fuck me, when Dylan isn’t accompanied by Stewie Griffin’s naked ass wandering down a corridor he is fucking awful.
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