The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #11 Los Campesinos – There Are Listed Buildings

The Express Lifts Tower (now known as the National Lift Tower) is one of only two such lift-testing towers in Europe, and one of only three Grade II listed buildings in Northamptonshire. It was opened ten days after I was born, and Poppa ILB worked at Express Lifts for 16 years before the company was shut down in a hostile takeover by Otis Lifts in 1996. At any given moment, it is liable to collapse due to poor design planning and kill everyone who lives in the newbuild houses located on the site of the former Express Lifts shopfloor sites.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #12 Pill – Trap Goin’ Ham

Oh Jesus fucking Christ have we got another 12 of these posts to write before the list has ended? Why the fuck did I start this mindless quest?

“Dr Death” Steve Williams and DJ Omega Supreme: you both dead

What better way to RIP the pair of them than by TubeDubbing Dr Death and Kevin Sullivan vs The Road Warriors with “Who Stole the Last Piece of My Chicken”. One of them got made to look like a bitch by Bart Gunn, the other was in a rap group nobody really cares about now. Sleep tight sweet princes.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #13 Royce Da 5’9 – Shake This

Bristol’s Shake King is probably the best milkshake bar in the UK, their Kinder Bueno shake in particular is a treat. The problem with S’Blended in Westfield Shopping Centre is that they seem to use the king of vanilla ice cream that usually finds its way into Iceland arctic rolls as a base for its shakes,whereas Shakeaway may not come close to those two in terms of quality of drink, but it does get bonus points for its “CELEBRITIES WHO HAVE VISITED US” section of its website, featuring Saskia the Big Brother Racist, 2008 Kerrang readers poll “Worst Band In The World” winners Bring Me The Horizon (BMTH fact: their lead singer has a “hip hop” side project called “Womb 2 Da Tomb”), and Brian McBride.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #14 The Lonely Island – I’m On A Boat

People who’ve made low-end impacts on the IchLugeBullets year, part one in a series of one: redheaded Irish or Scottish or something broad I’ve met at three separate house parties this year. At the first one, she was breaking down the sexual preferences of her and her boyfriend within ten minutes of us talking (anal sex is a go, apparently) and insisted I add her to Facebook. The third party, she had no idea whatsoever who I was. And in the second, her pissed-up flailing around and screeches of “POSEIDON SEE ME NOW” to this track finally helped me come to terms with The Lonely Island.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #15 Ivan Ives – I Hate College

Song parodies are the lowest form of artistic expression. You think the guy that did “Star Wars Cantina” sleeps easy at night? Of course he fucking doesn’t.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #16 The Indelicates – The Recession Song

One of the items we’ve ummed and erred about bringing you at ILB is the “Indiechick Top 20 Would Smash List”. This would basically be an excuse to paraphrase Chris Wallace with regards to the lass from Slow Club: “Girl, you look so good, I’d suck on your effeminate and slightly anaemic-looking bandmate’s dick”.

Merry Christmas from all us here at ILB

Leigh Francis has been “famous” for nearly a decade now. Catching him mug his way through one of 72 “TOP 50 XMAS SONGS EVER” countdowns that 4Music is currently showing in rotation is enough to make a man want to renounce JC and switch to Jainism. Still, Lou Monte had your back in the 40s and a bunch of guinea motherfuckers with a donkey head have it now, so enjoy and we’ll see you again around Xmas Monday.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #17 Phoenix – Lisztomania

There’s a mindset among a decent swathe of pop culture savvy twentysomethings, myself included, who think it’d be a good idea to bag themselves an American partner. I believe the reasoning goes that because we know our American TV, and because we know who, idk, Lauren Conrad or Andy Griffith are, we can wow said Yankee by… just talking about stuff that’s actually common to them. It’s a really flawed mindset.

The disinterested ILB end of year rundown: #18 Masta Ace and Ed OG – Little Young

I appreciate I’ve used that image before but, really, have any of us tired of Ashley Young wanking on webcam? It’s the Paul Jewell sex tape for white girls, basically. Never noticed the chick has “bills” and “beauty” on her bookmarks before.