ITT, “Lawyers, Guns and Money”

Zevon was already feeding worms by the time I became aware of him as anything other than “the dude who sang that song about Chinese takeaways”, so I really can’t call myself anything other than a massive latecomer, but all of you out there should know that, alongside HMHB and The Beatnuts, Warren forms part of the triumvate of permanently approved ILB acts. And “Lawyers, Guns and Money” may be his peak.

We taking over, one needless web publication at a time

What an exciting fortnight for fans of high-octane misogynist blogger Dom Passantino. First he extended his claims to the world of pro-wrestling blogging. Then we started gadding about with legendary old-ass rap journos. And now, we’ve hooked up with a guy who quite literally used to write for the ever-awesome The Fly to bring you a spin-off of an earlier ILB post, entitled Hipsters Are Fucking Awesome. The Fly hack in question is one of ILB’s oldest friends and, like when you actually buy a girl dinner, we had an obligation to say yes. Check it out before we forget about it in five days time after buying Tiger Woods 09 for our PS3.

Dom Passantino is now writing for Fat Lace Magazine

In which the cocky young upstart gets another shot at the big time, after alienating his superiors at his first major club with his attitude problems. A flair writer who got enough love for his steez on the smaller stage out of the spotlight, can he make a success of a transfer to a more prestigious institution, known for an aging fanbase and its desire to make it back into the big six of blogs? Time will tell.

Fuschimuschi – Play Da Easy Ball

As part of ILB’s ongoing quest to post about every single video we watched on German rock TV back in the late 90s, here is “Play Da Easy Ball” by Fuschimuschi, a song that’s lived so far into the memory that it currently has a stunning 112 Youtube views, and an outstanding two listens on last.fm in the past six months. Although this fetishisation of the Viva Zwei playlist of 1999 is undoubtedly appreciated by all, please stop me before it gets to the point where I’m talking about Guano Apes or Die Artze. Because both those bands really were some bullshit.

Let us ironically reappraise hipsters

 

If any of you people actually discussed music outside of gay-ass internet circle jerks where people are weeping salt tears at the closure of Idolator (and I personally am mourning their intricate brand of “Silversun Pickups are touring, I bet that’ll be good” high-end content), you’d learn something quite interesting. For the outside world, “indie” and “hipster” are interchangeable terms. Tell someone that you like The Indie Rock, and regardless of whether or not you’re popping The Pains of Being Pure at Heart or the fucking Old 97s, dollars-to-donuts this person will have now pegged you as a hipster. 

Glory days, in the wink of an abducted girl’s eye..

 

Has ILB ever been afraid of reporting the legend? Of course it hasn’t. Self-deprecation and modesty are for guys trying to fuck literature majors. IchLugeBullets has always been strictly dick-waving, no matter the occasion. So in celebration of the latest Tori Amos album that nobody’s going to listen to, allow me to recall some of the reactions to my review of “The Beekeeper”, four years ago…

Time Magazine covers that someone should hurry the fuck up and put on a t-shirt #1

Gallows humour

The true failed bands of each generation, as opposed to your Ordinary Boys/Lady Sovereign/The Others mid-tier failures, get far too easy a ride, precisely because nobody can remember enough about them to mock. For instance, if I was to start busting on The Glitteratti right now, would you recall enough about them to laugh along? Koopa had three top 40 singles: try and hum one of them. What did the lead singer of Kubb look like? Have a go at pinpointing the exact year Ben’s Brother failed to happen. See what I mean? History has absolved them of their myriad sins by simply tippexing them from your mind. It’s hard to know if Gallows, who bizarrely a bunch of indie types spent the better part of 2007 trying to make happen, will be totally forgotten. Frontman Frank Carter has been cutting some utterly stunning interviews in an attempt to make them remembered, even if just as a punchline. Which is something, I’d imagine Kwame is quite happy with his station in life these days. Let’s enjoy one of those interviews together:

Let us mourn the tragic closure of The Lipster

The Lipster has shut down. I am utterly stunned that any endeavour set up by Sean Adams could end in failure, but there you go. And where now can we go for a female take on the day’s music news and events? Why, that’d be absolutely everywhere, as every single newspaper, magazine and website in the country is absolutely flooded with lithe young broads employed solely because the commissioning editor is entering his mid 30s crisis and wants to end the office Christmas party balls-deep in some slut he can go “Now you probably don’t remember Silversun, but at the time they changed everything for me”. So allow me to rephrase that. Where now will we go for a website that operated like a bunch of developmentally challenged six-year-old girls playing dress-up at being Jezebel at a slumber party? Where else will we go for the kind of inane crap that seemingly emanates from a woman spinning around on an office chair and going “Gossip Girl… The Gossip… The Gossip Girl? Is there an article there? Fuck it, that’s fune”. Where else will we go for some bullshit about Santogold written by the kind of zero-between-the-ears Oxbridge grad bint who has thankfully ended up in a career as a journalist because God forbid they take up any profession where they could actually have an impact on people’s lives. Imagine rolling up to see your old grandma in hospital and discovering that it was going to be Jude Rogers replacing her hip. Exactly. She’d spent three-quarters of the operation looking at LOLcats and the remainder going “srs post: Erykah Badu’s album accurately sums up what it’s like to be a black person absolutely everywhere on the planet right now.”

Bathgate ft Cassidy – Ringling Brothers

“Billy Bathgate. They had it in the library. I thought of you.”