Is minor soft-serve recording artiste Theophilus London a self-googler?

 

brooklyn

THESENUTS@GMAIL.com

69.112.247.180

Submitted on 2009/01/29 at 9:09am

THIS BLOGS SUCKS

IF I KNEW WHO YOU WERE I WOULD FUCK U UP JUST FOR USING THE NIGGER COOMENT

TO BAD YOUR BLOG DOESNT GET THAT MUCH REVIEWS. and only got 5 comments hahahahahhahah

AND THE MIXTAPE GOT 10,000 DOWNLOADS IN 3 DAYS

 

mr bullets

smh

In review: Theophilus London – This Charming Mixtape

 

This Charming Mixtape. This… Charming… Mixtape. How… how is that even a thing? Why is it a thing for that matter, why has this been allowed to happen? Obama’s only been in charge a week and already the world’s falling apart. And why is it called “This Charming Mixtape”, but he’s recreating the album cover of “This Year’s Model”? Was “This Year’s Mixtape” really too far a pun to stretch to? Couldn’t his art director find the right Photoshop filter for a faux-Smiths album cover? “This Charming Mixtape” sounds like an MP3 “mash-up” compilation circa 2002, y’know, Freelance Hellraiser blends together the exciting and challenging sounds of can’t-miss future superstars Ms Jade and The Von Bondies.

In review: The Wrestler (2008)

 

Why not try arguing that professional wrestling and science fiction are, at their hearts, exactly the same? Most people have an active interest in the pair when they’re eight or nine, before growing away from it in their teens and returning to it, if they ever do, as socially ill-adjusted adults. When you get rid of all the whistles and bells, both tell the same story of good versus evil over and over again. Both reflect changing political concerns as well: wrestling will always have a roided-up muscleman on hand to play an evil German/Jap/Russian/Arab, depending on how the political winds are tilting, while sci-fi will offer up alien tribes called “The Komune Istz”, who have lots of well-meaning ideas but an ill-functioning society. Both genres give the message that women are objects, both have significant gay followings, and while both are intrinsically American, douche nerd stans for both like to pretend, in a fit of self-loathing, that the Japanese take on the product is superior. So there you go, pro-wrestling and science fiction are exactly the same. Someone get me a fucking media teaching position.

An open question to IchLugeBullets.com readers

Grading the fat acceptance gravatars

 

You know how we do on IchLugeBullets, we stay ahead of the curve. And are there two more exciting things to discuss right now than the concepts of “globally recognised avatars”, as in pictorial representations of internet users that stay constant across a number of websites, and “fat acceptance”, as in a post-feminist movement consisting of women who did feminism 101 at university, found that whole “fighting for equality” thing a bit too much like hard work, but did take great to the “fat is a feminist issue” thing, and promptly when balling in Greggs? Of course there isn’t So we here at ILB would like to present to you a brief review of some of our favourite fat acceptance blog gravatars. No links to the websites themselves, because we really don’t need to give these people any more coverage than they deserve.

On second listen: That one Puppini Sisters’ debut album that they did

 

Being as this blog has now been going a good seven months, it’s probably safe to assume that I’m an utter failure at it, as nobody’s come to offer me a single fucking book deal, and we still get more people on here looking for pictures of Alex Sim Wise’s snatch than intelligent music debate. That guy who writes “Stuff White People Like” was already sitting on twankies seven months into his career, and instead I’m reduced to treading the boards of past glories and providing updates on topics discussed therein. Which is a flowery way of saying “The only place I encounter music these days is at the gym, for some reason they’ve added 2006 novelty act The Puppini Sisters to their “warm down” playlist, so here’s me talking about a review I did of their debut album from back in the day”.

Tom’s Top Picks For The Year

If you ask me, the most important piece of news out there at the moment is WordPress has decided that “K_Blade’s PUA blog” is a similar enough blog to this to start appearing as a “suggested post” under a bunch of ILB entries. And really, how can you not flock to any weblog cataloguing the adventures of a pick-up artist in Grimsby? As “K_Blade” himself says, “reading Neil Strauss’s The Game… was one of those lightbulb events when suddenly your reality shifts slightly and your view of the world around you changes”, and I don’t think any of us could argue with that. Thrill as he opens up a “three set” in Cleethorpes, and groan as he fails to follow up “indicators of interest” displayed by a woman standing next to a man dressed as a stormtrooper. In all fairness, it’s a lot more interesting than me listening to MySpace’s tips for the year, which is going to take up the rest of this entry.

The posts that celebrate themselves: #3 Ashlee Simpson – Bittersweet World

Another entry in IchLugeBullets’ occasional series of reviews from websites that nobody ever read that deserve a wider audience. This one in particular sparked some of the funniest reactions to my work outside of Tori Amos’ fans and clapped out Brummie romos, this comment kills it:

 

Because it’s certainly not a fucking review. 

Regardless of what the album sounds like, that is one of the laziest, ill-informed pieces of shit I’ve read all year. 

How this gob-shite got a job I’ll never know, but he’s clearly got issues with having to ‘review’ stuff that might be considered remotely commercial. 

Plus, despite his best efforts, it’s not even funny. “Look: I used the words “fucking idiots” and chastised people with differing opinions in a review.” 

What a fucking prick. 

I hope the album is shit to at least make sure the reviewer isn’t totally fucking useless, but if the CD is so terrible, why did it get 3/10?

 

Fantastic work all round.

Half Man Half Biscuit – Epiphany (Peel Session, 2004)

In what probably counts as the most important find in any field anyone will make in 2009, the John Peel archivist MP3 blog  ”The Perfumed Garden“ actually upped a complete set of Half Man Half Biscuit Peel Sessions last summer, which I only discovered in the past 48 hours. Go here to download nothing but bangers from the greatest band England ever produced, or go after the cut to see me pontificate about one song in particular..

It’s “Songs Tom Russell has written about boxers” Sunday on IchLugeBullets.com!

Tom Russell is a 58-year-old man who wrote songs for Johnny Cash, taught English in Southern Nigeria during the middle of the Biafran War, and kept Charles Bukowski as a penfriend. He then went on to record an album about his friendship with Bukowski from the viewpoint of a fictitious circus midget. He’s written detective novels, produced in-house music for circuses and strip bars, and has to me what a ravaged voice is meant to sound like, not some fucking Tom Waits “If Alex Higgins was American” shit. Proper grit 40 sandpaper vocals. You don’t listen to enough Tom Russell, for reasons that are beyond me. His back catalogue tends to deal with three things: ballads for lost Cowboy America, Mexican criminals, and boxers being hella fucked up. Here’s a Sunday tribute to the four best songs he wrote about the final of those three.