Insightful music criticism from the kind of people who post to a PUA forum

 

Remember the rape porn mixtape post from a few weeks back? I checked back a few days ago to see if anything else had happened since to save that from being the miserable washout it was, but there were two solitary new posts: one suggesting the soundtrack to The Jackal, and the other suggesting “Beat It”. By Michael Jackson. Good work all round. So we decided to visit forums belonging to the spiritual brothers of the rapists: the pick-up artists. Here are a few of the best posts on pop music we could find from this wacky collection of failures and guys wearing big massive hats in the belief it’ll get them laid. And if anyone thinks I’m being too harsh on PUAs, here is a thread where they discuss what lessons for the PUA community can be learned from Josef Fritzl.

 

TL: Hey guys, have any favorite music CDs that you use during or to arrouse sex?

Close: Well, i’m a virgin, but for makeout’s Garden State Soundtrack seems to work pretty well.

Flame: I am also a virgin   . But its not like im THE 40 yr old virgin or something. 

Hmmm, makeout music. Probably Eric Clapton/

Toolfan955: Yeah, another virgin here. But I would have to say that the Smashing Pumpkins are always some great sex music

 

On a thread about Slipknot’s “Live In London” album – weirdly enough, it turns out that a lot of guys who need to go to a message board to get a woman to talk to them like metal. Go figure

Stealth7: I heard the mash pits at one of those concerts are fucking hardcore! 

 

PM88NG: Guys, Here’s a list of the BEST sex music you can buy (Most can be found on iTunes): 

(You probably haven’t heard 80% of this list, and you may not like every song that I’ve included, but I guarantee you’ll find something you like.) 

U2 – Sunday Bloody Sunday 

 

On “PUA music videos”

Amy Winehouse -Stronger Than Me

This one is particularly instructional. Basically she complains about a guy who’s not acting like a man. Pretty awesome, there’s some stuff in here that is reitterated over and over on “Relationships” forum on mASF. I think there’s a lot of good stuff on attracting women out there, but there’s not much in the way of maintaining relationships.

Ben Harper – Better Way

This one is straight up speaking to inner game, in my opinion. Its about stepping up. Not expressly about pickup, but attractiveness comes from doing what you think is right, and not pussying out. Well, that was my take on this one.

The Kooks – Always Where I Need To Be

It’s got a mix of phrases that get to the point of just doing your thing, no matter what, girls will follow you.

 

Top tips on how to turn starting a band into PUA action

 Spend some money on a nice electric-acoustic, keep up the voice lessons, and once you start getting out there, close every act with “Kiss me I’m shitfaced” by Dropkick Murphy’s.

 

On musical alternatives to “average fucking chump” tunes

Rap music. Their hole pimp and ho mindset is inspiring.

 

A “fail-safe” method for turning friendliness into sexiness via “CD escalation”

1. when you return home, you should have jazz playing

2. escalate to stevie wonder, ray charles, and CHAKA KHAN

3. when you are ready to make out, the immaculate collection by madonna

 

On PUA ringtones

I like to use many ringtones, for example, set a specific ringtone for each of my contacts that calls me a lot. That way I know who is calling me before I even look at the caller ID.

As of now, I use, “My Dick,” “Hate Me Now” (Nas), “I was Getting Some Head,” “Mo Money Mo Problems” (Mase), “Hate it or Love it” (Game).

 

On being a fucking idiot

Nah man, Marvin Gaye is last generation and overused, you have to throw on something a little slower,  throw on some norah jones

 

I refuse to read any more. Seriously. Just the 60 minutes research it took me to find those little gems has already warped my perception to the point where I’m actively thinking about buying a hat. I’m gonna return to the rape forum I think and start “opening” a few “sets” with “negs”. Whatever.

SPECIAL BONUS MATERIAL

Wet Wet Wet – Sweet Little Mystery