I’m not sayin’, I’m just saying

If I sent this into Private Eye I’d get £10 for this, so you better be happy I’m giving it to you for free. Assuming, probably massively incorrectly, that anyone who reads Private Eye ever has the slightest clue who either of these two chuckleheads are.

Indie moustache chicks

I don’t get this. At all.

Keepin’ It Nonpositive: The Worst Songs of the Decade So Far. #1: Bedouin Soundclash – “Where The Night Feels My Song”, #24 October 2005.

Despite the fact that none of them have ever mentioned the song in my presence, here’s a brief list of people “Where The Night Hears My Song” reminds me of

You ain’t a crook son, you’re just a shook one

The Vanilla Midget of the crit game, Giles Coren, on the warpath over at The Times. Ignoring the devolution into txtspk capitalisation, the pointless use of the phrase “dual valency”, and homeboy’s refusal to actually submit his e-mails through a spellchecker before he sends them, I’m just stunned that anybody would get so butthurt over the fact that their sub-Two Ronnies song routine wordplay got dicked about with. Dicked about, as fluent Yiddish speakers will know, can have two meanings.

BONUS FACT: I’ve met two women in my life who find  Giles Coren attractive. One of them has since been sectioned under the Menthal Health Act.

DJ Khaled – Out Here Grinding (Feat. Akon, Rick Ross, Plies, Lil Boosie, Ace Hood & Trick Daddy)

Words… cannot… express. Although it’s good to see that Rick Rawwws isn’t letting his past come back to haunt him, this truly is amazing on every single level. Ricky and his crew in matching Busby Berkeley red umbrellas, Plies renacting 40% of late 90s metal videos with 250% more diamonds, Trick Daddy being apparently unaware of what a large group of men in blackshirts marching through a ruined town of crying children signifies, and LIL BOOSIE RUNNING AWAY FROM A MOTHERFUCKING FIREBALL. 10/10.

SPECIAL BONUS MATERIAL: Here

Jude Rogers: I can’t believe it’s not butthurt

Dumb shit like this is what will, thankfully, kill off the broadsheets’ obsession with blogging.

Mood: content

So, upon hearing of the death of K-Swift at a pool party from drowning, I immediately rushed off to Google full of mourning, mainly thinking that the guy from Tha Liks had carked it. Instead, it turns out it’s some fucking American radio DJ or other has rolled a seven. Still, while you’ve got to respect her friends for getting into her Myspace so quickly to Blingee her display photo with some angel wings and a Photoshop default “heaven” background, but, discounting how creepy it is to see them listed as “online now”, surely they can find a better mood than “content, smiley face”?

Civil Disobedience

Apropos of absolutely nothing at all, here’s an article written by Ed Caesar in the Independent about 18 months ago, detailing the “fairy tale” love affair of Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder Civil, and discussing how their marriage is a perfect marker for what a relationship should be in the modern era.

In review: Hamfatter

Hamfatter sound like a beer advert from 1997.

A brief history of vandalism to MP3 blogger Wikis

Being, at heart, a bored office worker, one of the true loves of my life is Wikipedia vandalism.